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Category archive for: Thoughtful Reflection

Week 27

David says he’s doing fine. Yesterday I came home and found him eating from three different bags of shredded cheese and drinking a bottle of wine. So I don’t know for sure. He said he was fine, but he had cheese shreds all over his beard when he said it.

Then I looked at the calcium content on one of the cheese bags, and I learned yesterday I probably was not getting enough calcium, so I also ate a huge chunk of shredded cheese.

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I’m a Snoring Person Now

Hello! We are at the top of Week 27, and I learned only this morning that I have been snoring for the past three months!

I have had quite a bit more mucus in the mornings, so I assume this is related. Also I don’t know if I’ve mentioned, but I can’t really see my legs anymore. Yesterday I saw through a mirrored reflection that a modest forest had sprouted on my legs. And I’ve been wearing dresses for weeks! I wonder who saw me and thought, “Brave feminist.” Anyway, how upsetting that I am no longer the picture of femininity that I once was.

This weekend we looked at strollers, and the selection was a bit overwhelming. The strollers looked nothing like the kinds I had as a kid. And they were expensive.

Also we walked around our condo and tried to figure out what to do. We concluded nothing.

….

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Presumptious Clothing

I bought some pregnany underwear: underwear that should be comfortable and can cover my changing body and also give my belly lots of space. The colors I selected are neutral (tan, gray, white). The material is cotton and some spandex, presumably so they stay up. The size is large, because that’s what I need.

Anyway, the underwear arrived yesterday! And the wash instructions were like “Hand wash. Do not put in dryer.” And then some ADDITIONAL INSTRUCTIONS, but I stopped reading. I will absolutely be putting this stuff into the washing machine under regular cycle and then into the dryer. I don’t know who this underwear thinks it is…but it is not getting hand wash treatment. It was also marketed to me as great for pregnant bellies, so what pregnant woman is acquiring high maintenance under garments?

In other news, I still have a cold. But I am hoping it’s getting better. I can’t say for sure though.

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Week 26

This week we have a cold! Well I have a cold. The good news is she doesn’t have a cold and is protected by the placenta.

The cold has been quite the nuisance. It started with a scratchy throat Sunday morning, and every night starting at 2am I wake up every hour with a parched mouth – because I can’t breathe through my nose – and a need to pee. When we were abroad I got up at 8am every morning, so I wonder if this is half cold and half poor jet lag recovery. She’s generally moving by the time I get back to bed, which is nice!
I want to know how she’s moving though. Is she moving her feet, is she turning around, is stretching? I have no idea – I just feel something like bubbles in the belly.

David has been busy with work and his Japanese studies, but I know he’s still around because right after I finish doing the dishes new ones appear. *drum beat and cymbals* Thank you, thank you.

Social media ads have done a great job targeting me during this time. I get a lot of ads for pregnancy fitness apps and pregnancy clothes. Today when I was feeling bummed I even got an add for pregnancy meditation, to make me feel happier. This is remarkable because I am pretty certain I did not google or write anything on email or text that would have triggered this compelling, related advertisement. Did I download the app? No, absolutely not. The last thing I need is to be alone with my thoughts for five minutes a day.

Yesterday I was talking to a talented cast member in my comedy troupe who hasn’t written anything in a while. I shared that I thought pregnancy would help me write fun new material, but really I’m just too sad to write. “I feel the same way,” he shared.
He’s not pregnant, so I tried to dig to find out what was affecting his comedy juices. “There’s a lot going on,” I said.
“There’s so much going on!” he replied.
“Do you read the news,” I asked. “There’s something every day that’s upsetting. It’s hard to laugh anymore.”
“No,” he replied, earnestly, “But I hear about it from other people, and it’s rough out there.”

This answer was FASCINATING. I didn’t even really know how to reply. What did he mean he hears about it from other people? And how long do you listen to other people talk about the news and get upset before you start doing your own reading? And who is sharing the information with him? I had so many questions! I didn’t want to pry though, because I thought it might sound judgmental. I have the luxury of affording subscriptions to publications that can invest in journalism, but that’s not the case for everyone. And there are lots of free news sources on the internet, but some of their motivations can be suspect, and sometimes opinion pieces masquerade as reporting on sites of ill-repute.

Speaking of upsetting news, I want to use a re-usable water bottle I received at the Women in Comedy festival, to do my part for the environment. But it’s not dishwasher safe, so I don’t understand …how…I’m supposed…to wash it. Not my finest hour, given I grew up in a house that used the dishwasher for clean towel storage. I’m going to dig deep into the memory archives.

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Nervous

There are a slew of classes you can sign up to prepare. We’ve gotten mixed responses, but I think we have narrowed it down to these ones:

1) Infant care
2) Infant CPR
3) Breastfeeding
4) Hospital tour

My ob-gyn said the last two weren’t necessary, because you don’t know what your breastfeeding situation is going to be until the baby arrives. She also shared the tour wasn’t necessary because that baby is coming out, so knowing about the room isn’t going to matter. The one class she recommended was Infant CPR, which wasn’t on our radar. I appreciated her relaxed approach for a few weeks. But panic just set in, and I have registered us for extra classes.

Also we have to find a pediatrician. I have never had a dedicated doctor or a pediatrician, so this is new.

I learned yesterday that some of these charming body changes might be permanent! I’ll keep the boobs, but my friend yesterday said she never got her regular sized stomach back, and someone else shared their bigger shoe size was permaement. Another person shared she still has her linea negra. WHAT. That one might be okay because I don’t plan on wearing anything where that will be an issue, but still!

And our home is such a mess! I want to pack up all the winter clothes to make space, but I can’t bend over because I am a walking balloon!

Ruh-roh!

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Got Moo Thru

Hello! Should have warned you the title was a bit of a spoiler. We were driving home and the internet told me the Moo Thru would be closed on Monday (today). Well that was not well-received by yours truly, but I handled the news with grace and dignity.

Then as we drove closer we saw a line and that the Moo Thru was in fact open. We pulled over, waited patiently, and the line was helpful because it helped me narrow down my selection to five flavors:

Chocolate
Dark chocolate
Mint chocolate chip
Banana
Strawberry

I could only pick three (that was the maximum) so after some consultation with the ice cream teller I landed on dark chocolate, banana, and strawberry. They were extremely satisfying. I did not get a cone, but their cones are delicious as well.

Now we’re back home, and it’s time to begin the nesting phase of the pregnancy. Note that in the literature it says I will naturally begin this phase. The spirit of cleaning will compel me in the second trimester, they said. This has not happened. Rather, I need to start cleaning now before it’s going to be even more physically difficult to keep bending over. I have to force myself to clean, my least favorite thing. Play time is over.

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Oops! I’m getting repetitive!

I read my last two posts last night, and I’m so sorry. They were pretty much the same post! I am either boring or forgetful now, or perhaps a mix of both. This is terrible. I have no one to blame for this but myself.

I spent free time during our travels reading the news and Game of Thrones analyses, and the news was upsetting, as usual, and the GoT analysis was just fun to read. Last year during our vacation, the latest news was of the child separations at the border, and this year on vacation (nothing from last year is resolved) the latest development is that we are on the brink of war with Iran. Admittedly this has been brewing for years, but it seems over the past two weeks congress has gotten on board with Bolton, and that’s more concerning. Keep in mind: the group Bolton endorses for the new regime should the US try to overthrow the current one endorses a more extreme version of Islam. Politically emboldened extremists from any religion are a problem. I don’t hear anyone talking about restoration or rebuilding efforts should we enter in war, so it’s extra frustrating to see our great nation repeat mistakes we made fairly recently. WHY ARE WE SO QUICK TO ABANDON THE POWELL DOCTRINE?

Anyway, the news consumes most of my thoughts in general, but I don’t have additional information to add, so it seems writing about it here would be silly. And I’m not a good enough comedian to laugh or make jokes about tragedy. So I followed the “write what you know” rule of thumb, but that resulted in two posts that read the same way! Oops!

I’ll do better. Don’t leave me.

….

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Week 24

If being a mother involves being flooded with worry and guilt, I think I’m on the right track.

We just finished our baby moon in Italy and France, and I loved it, but every time I ate something delicious like gelato or a croissant I worried that I was doing her a real disservice.

The sites say to eat vegetables (not raw ones), fruits (make sure they are fully washed) and lean meats. No unpasteurized cheeses and raw eggs. This is fine when I’m at home, but abroad is a bit challenging with fruits and vegetables because I don’t want to grab an orange and ask a server to wash it for me.

I also felt guilty every time I rolled onto my back at night while sleeping. You’re supposed to sleep on your left side for optimal blood flow, but that wears on my left hip and thigh and I’ve always been a back sleeper. I also like sleeping on my right so I can face David, but apparently that applies pressure to the appendix.

And shopping. I love things – especially clothes. Not to go all Miranda Priestly on you, but each item of clothing is a display of so many collaborations. When we arrived in Italy and I took out my shoes to wear, I was dismayed to learn they did not fit! This turned out to be incredibly convenient, because it doesn’t take much to persuade me to buy Italian leather shoes. But I did feel extreme guilt any time I bought a jacket or clothing I did not _need_. That’s money that could have been spent on her! I justified these purchases by telling myself I need clothes I can fit into now that I’m bigger, and it’s true, but I still felt guilty. Admittedly I didn’t need _leather_ clothes I could fit into now that I’m bigger.

The good news is that my new bigger size did stop me from buying even more than I might have. I saw some super cute dresses, but I don’t know how my body is going to look after pregnancy, so I resisted.

One of the nicest things about being pregnant is other people. Women offered to let me go in front of them in the restroom (haven’t had to take them up on it yet) and have their seats on busses (also didn’t have to take them up on it). But it’s sweet every time. And I like smiling at moms with young babies, because I feel some camaraderie, and they smile back. At home I had been trying to smile at other pregnant women I saw, but so far they have had none of it. I wonder if now that I’m showing even more I’ll get more smiles.

In Rome I got a pat on the belly from a talkative hairdresser whose chatter I enjoyed, and in Nice from a waitress who encouraged me to eat raw scallops (I did not). My favorite was a server in Rome who told me I couldn’t eat tiramisu, and then when we were leaving he looked at my belly and waved, “Bye bye Bebe!” He seemed sincerely kind.

Tomorrow we have an antenatal scan, so hopefully they can take a look and make sure she’s doing okay. I felt her move some days, and that was always reassuring. But on days when she moved less or didn’t move I was worried until I felt something. I have an anterior placenta, so any movements I feel are more muffled. Sometimes I’m not sure if I feel her move or it’s just stomach churning.

Regardless of the worry and guilt, I am super excited.

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Week 23

Hello! We are on week 23, and I have yet to write a tight five comedy set about pregnancy. So I’m not capitalizing on my condition correctly.

Other than that things seem to be okay! I have an anterior placenta, which means I feel less kicking and movement than most people, and there’s an extra layer between the baby and my belly. I can feel her inside though, and she’s very sweet because every time I worry I haven’t felt her in a while she gives me a subtle nudge. I worry a lot.

This week we are on a baby moon! David planned it in February, when it was still early, and the rationale was that the trip would be a baby moon or a recovery moon, so thank goodness it is the former! It has been quite relaxing, but dining is a little different because I can’t eat all the things I want. Also I packed some clothes and shoes that don’t fit anymore. My feet are bigger now – perhaps to support the added weight. I took this as an invitation from the universe to go shopping, so a couple days ago David took a nap in the room while I took it upon myself to splurge on some pants, jackets, and a pair of shoes.

At the store where I bought the pants and two jackets, the shopkeeper cut me off, thank goodness. I was trying on another jacket I really liked and she said, “I don’t know, this is a special time in your life, and this jacket will not fit you next week.” Seeing that this observation wasn’t enough to deter me, she continued, “Also this jacket is a little warm for this time of year. It’s thick.”

She said all of this with a beautiful Italian accent. I still wanted the jacket, but better senses prevailed, and I did not buy that one.

After my spree, David was still napping, so I commissioned a street artist to draw my likeness in caricature form. The end result was deeply jarring and a true blow to my vanity, so immediately after that I ate my feelings in the form of delicious gelato. Fortunately David woke up shortly after that, and we went to a museum.

On a different note:
Last weekend I was in Boston for a Women in Comedy festival. It was inspiring and reminded me of how far I have to go. One panel was particularly good. There were senior executives from Disney, HBO, TruTV, NBC, Audible and Just for Laughs. The person from Disney, DMA, said so many good things I could not keep up.

Here are my favorite quotes. They are related to having goals and going after them:

“Speak what you want in this universe.” -DMA

“The universe moves on the speed you are moving and direction you are moving.
Pick a thing and be crazy for it. Stop dreaming and decide.” -DMA

“Say it out loud often and be specific.” -DMA
This was in relation to someone saying they wanted to have a career in comedy. She made the woman specify what it was she wanted, which turned out to be an actor in a comedy series.

“Doors are doors are doors – when you manifest them walk through them.” -DMA
This was in relation to setting goals and going down paths even if they were not the ones you originally intended.

Sitting in that panel discussion made me feel the way I imagine fervent church goers feel. I wanted to jump up and yell, “YES!” Every time she spoke. Instead I took notes and plan to state my goals and work to them.

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21 Weeks!

I am enjoying being pregnant. I think I’m getting the hang of my new body and embracing it!

And tomorrow is David and my eight year anniversary! I have two cards I could give him. One says, “You’re my person,” and the other one says, “I’m a big fan of you.” I found these in a boutique in North Carolina.
I’m not sure which one to use…first. Here’s the plan. I’ll write in one and put it on his desk so he sees it in the morning. Then I’ll write another and put it on his desk so he sees it later.

Now if you’re thinking, “That’s not impressive for an anniversary gift,” I am just going to stop you right there. Last week I asked him what he was doing Tuesday (not mentioning Tuesday was our anniversary), and he said he had language class and then was going to go out drinking with his classmates after class. So I have already won this anniversary.

I love him so much it doesn’t even matter.

I’m also thinking about a social media post to honor the occasion. What do you think of the following:

A. David and I got married in 2011, and if you told me then each following year would be better than the one that came before it, I would have told you that’s not possible. But it would have been true.

B. Today is our eight year anniversary and David has been playing George Michael’s Careless Whisper on repeat for the past two days.

C. Happy Anniversary to the best thing that has ever happened to me.

D. A few months ago, someone asked David what it was like working in the same office as his wife all day. “Well, it’s really like working next to your friend. We’re buds.” He replied.

E. One year into our marriage, we ate an incredibly delicious meal, but I had a bad reaction to it, so I ended up doing a number three in the bathroom. David found me and helped me clean-up. Then he waited the right amount of time to tease me about it. That’s true love.

F. Happy Anniversary to the best person in the world to laugh with.

G. David doesn’t believe in soul mates because of something about statistical improbabilities, so Happy Anniversary to the person I met in 1998 who I really liked standing next to and could make me laugh then and still makes me laugh now.

H. We’ve been married eight years, and I still get excited every time David enters a room. Happy Anniversary!

I don’t know. I don’t think any of those do him justice. I love him so much. The way he thinks through problems, the way he cares about people, the way he laughs, the way he plays tennis, his sweat after he works out, his coming to all my shows, his spot-on analogies, his trip-planning, his interest in fun meals, his twitter game, his support of my creative activities, his taste in programming and books, his listening to all my thoughts, playing tennis with him, his competitiveness, the way he looks, all of it. I love him so much.

<3

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