Category: Thoughtful Reflection

I’m not really in a mess blog, I just wanted to grab your attention. Did I do it? Have I captivated you with that rhyming question? Or…

Blog blog, do you hate me so
After learning my intro was pretty much faux?

Okay, enough playing around. It’s time to focus blog! Tomorrow is Citizenship Day, and unfortunately I don’t get the day off. I’m a patriot, but my company refuses to pay for me to take a day off to re-read our nation’s constitution. It’s tragic, dear blog. Just think of all the things I could have done! I could have re-read the constitution, I could have watched This is America Charlie Brown: The Birth of the Constitution, I could have reviewed my favorite excepts from the Federalist Papers. Oh blog! Just think of the homage I could have paid to commemorate this nation’s proudest day!

In more unfortunate news, blog, I have a cold. It’s awful. I have to sneeze, and the nose runs, and I feel such fatigue. Also, methinks my forehead is feverish. I’ve been staying hydrated blog, but maybe I need to do more! Having a cold is so disheartening – my fortress is under attack. What was once a paragon of human vitality has been challenged, compromised, and left in a weakened state. Am I being dramatic, blog? Probably, but you didn’t know what it was like to be me sans cold. I was glorious. *sigh*

Ah-choo!

Well, a lot has happened since I last wrote. I went to Paris, France and got me some culture, and I started school too! So far so good blog! I am the most popular girl in my classes and every one loves me. Just kidding blog, I don’t think I’m the most popular, but I told my mom I was, so she would be proud of me. Just kidding blog. I didn’t tell my mom that – that would be weird. Oh, how I kid!

Blog tonight I have to work late because I have to call our Australia peers, and they are 14 hours ahead of us. Tonight!

I can tell you about Paris. It was absolutely wonderful! We saw all the tourist spots, like Le Tour Eiffel, Champs Elysee, Notre Dame, Les Catacombs, Le Louvre, Musee D’Orsay, Seine, and we ate at L’Entrecote and saw Le Lido! It was really a wonderful trip, and I have only fond memories of Paris! I also have pictures, 500 pictures! Sadly, I couldn’t use my French there because everyone spoke English and responded in English. It was most disheartening. Tant pis!

In other news blog, we have a new employee in our office, and he is around my age, which is fun. The other day we were both in the kitchen at the same time, and he got a phone call, and I heard him pick up and say in a hushed voice, “Hi Mom.” That’s all I know about him so far, but I plan to watch him assimilate our office culture. That’s always fun.

Also, dear blog, probably the greatest news of the day is that I’ve re-discovered a digital treasure trove – Backstreet Boys songs! They were sitting on my hard drive! What a treat.

….

Blog, I started writing the first part of the entry last week and didn’t post it. I have a new dilemma blog, one which I would like to confide in you about.

For class, I must pick something that stands for me. So, a symbol, or a thing, that I would call a personal identifier. Such a task requires deep introspection, dear blog, the likes of which I’m not particularly fond of bcause I like to think of myself as indescribable. Just kidding.

What really bothers me is that the first thing I thought about presenting to the class was my imawkward logo, the big eyes on the main page and in the comic, because really, I think about this site a lot. Except, I don’t feel like getting up in front of the class and saying, “I’m awkward.” This is in large part because I’m no longer the awkward, uncomfortable, slightly cartoonish character I was two years ago when I picked up the url. I’m a grown woman now, blog. I have evolved into a mature, thoughtful individual who knows what she wants out of life and is more comfortable in her own presentation. Confident in my choices and rationale, I’m a person I was once concerned I could never be. For example, today in a meeting one of my product requests was denied. The old me would have had an internal dialogue:

They said “No…” Was it me? Was it something I said? I don’t understand.

I made the request in rhyme. It was brief, simple and not out of hand!

I thought for sure they’d say “Yes! We’ll do it right quick”

But instead they said “No, the request makes me terrifically sick!”

It’s an uphill battle, I don’t know if it can even be won,

And getting rejected like this is not really fun.

How will I acheive my ambitions and goals

If I’m constantly being tossed onto rocky shoals?

The new me was not upset about it. I shrugged and thought, “It’s okay. I’ll try again – some other way.”

I know, I know, Old me’s internal dialogue was pretty awesome in comparison.

Anyway, back to my original dilemma. Now that I don’t think my mascot really stands for me, I’m a tad stuck. Also I don’t really want to get up and be like, “I’m awesome and self-assured, so behold, a personal signifier is this Self-help book with a giant red X drawn on it, because I will never need one of these.”

I need something that is positive, genuine, compact, and definitive. I’ll keep you updated blog!

Blog, I’m back, but not for long. I’ve been away on work travels recently, and who knows when I will be shipped out again. Sure, I know, but who else knows? My boss probably knows. That was a silly question to throw out there, wasn’t it? Yes. Yes it was.

Blog, I’ve taken to a new form of engaging in discussion. I now ask questions, and then, then what do I do? I answer them. Is this form of rhetoric effective? Absolutely not. It is annoying, and would even I like talking to someone who spoke in questions? Probably not. But I’m doing it nonetheless, blog. Why? Because it’s time to stir things up. It’s time for change.

What else have I been up to? Well, I’ve been to the movies! I’ve also purchased some music! I own the new Coldplay album and the new Fratellis album. Do either of them live up to their predeccesors? No. I will keep listening to them, however, and may eventually grow to love the two albums.

I’ve also been reading I Love You, Beth Cooper, which is a book about an awkward series of events that unfold after a high school valedictorian professes his love for the head cheerleader during his speech. He also tells off all sorts of other class characters. The book is entertaining. Do I identify with the nerdy protagonist? No! Ha! I was cool in high school, duh.

Whoops, I told you I’ve been to the movies two paragraphs ago, but I didn’t elaborate on the movies! Wasn’t that thoughtless of me? Yes, yes it was. I’ve seen Get Smart (great!) and The Incredible Hulk (okay.). I want to see Wanted, and I’ve just checked out rottentomatoes.com to see what the critics have to say. I kind of hate that site because the critics make me feel dumb. Take, for example, this review of Wanted by Sean McBride:

Review: If you’re one of those summer movie fanatics…

Me: I LOVE SUMMER MOVIES! ME! Sean is talking to me!

Review: …the kind of person who values non-stop action

Me: ACTION!

Review: and cutting-edge special effects

Me: WHO DOESN’T!? SOUNDS LIKE AN AWESOME MOVIE!

Review: to the exclusion of character and story

Me: What?

Review: …then the new movie “Wanted” is certainly the film you want to see

Me: Huh? So you’re saying…it’s …not…good?

I find this kind of rhetoric confusing and condescending. How would people feel if that’s how I answered questions?

Question: How is the weather?

Me: If you’re the kind of person who enjoys warm air and suffocating humidity, this weather is for you.

Question: How was the meal?

Me: If you’re kind of person who likes spicy food, a dash of originality, fresh ingrediants, and high prices, this restaurant would suit you well.

I realize the answers are informative and thorough, but there are ways to inform your audience without defining them. For example:

Question: How was the movie?

Me: The movie had a lot of action scenes, but the plot and characters were poorly defined. I did not like it, because I like plot and character development. That’s just the kind of person I am. Maybe your needs are not as complex as mine. Maybe you lack my depth of appreciation for cinema productions. Maybe you didn’t major in media studies, like I did, with a minor in art history. You probably lack my sophistication and refined movie taste.

Hmm. Is it possible that answering questions is not as easy as I first thought? Yes it is possible! Go forth, sassy rottentomatoes critics. Proceed with your passive ways.

I originally planned to really wow him with my knowledge of his knowledge. Here is how I imagined our first meeting would go:

Me: Hi, I’m so excited to be working with you. I’ve read your book!

Advisor: Really?

Me: Absolutely! Let me just say that your ______ on ______ was really inspiring. Never before have I seen ____ approached through such a compelling, ___ist view before. I specifically appreciated the parallel between _____ and _____ you revealed. Although, I do have some follow up questions for you regarding the piece you cited. It’s quite controversial.

Advisor: You know, it’s so refreshing to have a student that is so passionate about my work.

Me: Well it’s hard not to be, and we both know the _________ Award committee agrees with me *wink*.

My plan was perfect, I thought. Impenetrable.

So I set out on my journey to read all of his work, and sure enough, I didn’t understand a word of it! Not a word!

I was all like, “WUT?!” as I perused chapter one of his award winning doctoral thesis.

After looking up a few words, I realized he loathes to resort to basal terms when a labyrinthine alternative exists.   I eloquently concluded, “Well, fu@&!”as I defenestrated plan A.

So now that I’ve realized it’s going to be a lot of effort to figure out what he’s saying so as to appropriately populate my brilliantly self-made Mad Libs round above, I have to find a new plan, and rest assured, dear blog, I already have.  I’m going to apply self tanner.  Sorry blog, by “new plan” I meant, “I’m going to find something more productive to do tonight.”

Criminal Minds is about a team of behavioral psychologists that track down sociopaths.

So, in _usual_ detective shows, the detectives ask a storekeeper, “Have you seen this man? He was 5’10” and had curly hair.” The storekeeper then says, “No! NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE!” and then looks away nervously. And the detectives, armed with high problem-solving acumen, know something is up, but they can’t put their finger on it.

“He knows more than he’s letting on – I have a feeling” one detective will say to the other. The other detective, with much lower acumen, will be surprised to hear such a conclusion, and ask, “Really? You really think so? What makes you say that? He just said he has never seen him before.”

And the first detective will say, “Yeah, but something isn’t right.”

And the second detective will shake his head. And then they’ll use forensic evidence and a past criminal record to learn the shopkeeper is the murderer’s father!

Anyway – that’s how a regular crime show goes.

Criminal Minds is not your regular crime show. Since they’re behavioral detectives, they look for different traits. Rather than provide physical descriptions, they’ll give people personality descriptions. So, they’ll ask a storekeeper, “Did you see anyone do something suspicious yesterday here? Buy anything suspicious?”

And the storekeeper will say, “No…no not that I recall…”

And the detectives will then ask, “Did two men come in? One with a stutter perhaps, and another who seemed more confident and in charge – a real presence about him.”

The storekeeper will then say, “WHY YES! As a matter of fact! I remember the stutter -it was the most unfortunate stutter. And the other man in charge was very demanding – a real presence. They bought 28 guns I believe, let me see if I can find the receipt.”

Also, when they’re interviewing people, Criminal Minds detectives are smarter than regular detectives. For example, in last night’s episode, they needed a former victim’s help: “We need your help – you have to tell us what happened so we can find a new killer.”

And the former victim hugged herself, shook nervously, and then said, “NO! Nothing happened! I lied in the report!” and then ran off.

But rather than stand around and discuss whether or not she was telling the truth, one detective said, “Well, she’s lying,” and the other one was basically like, “Obvi. Way to go Einstein.” They don’t really say it in so many words, of course. What the other one really says is, “Yes, her erratic behavior, avoidant eye contact, and body shivers indicate that she was lying.”

Anyway, I appreciate that breakdown. Criminal Minds makes me feel smarter about myself as a television viewer, because it teaches me what to look for when I’m talking to a liar. It helps qualify instincts we all have!

Yeah, I was maybe a little bored today.

The last movie that made me laugh, cry, and develop a sincere appreciation for unorthodox music was Juno, and that came out in December – over three months ago! Juno had likeable actors, a heartwarming plot, and quick witted dialogue with sass reminiscent of this very blog. 😉 It was a great movie.

After Juno, I saw The Savages. The Savages was about watching a man die. I wanted to kill everyone involved in the movie, most of all, however, the screenwriters who helped make such a film possible. I was also surprised the Big Man Upstairs would allow the public release of such a human disaster.

Sitting around and blogging about how bad movies have been recently isn’t constructive, however. I need to help.

Movies should have plots, or story lines. An hour and a half snapshot into a man’s life akin to Death of a Salesman is no longer innovative and compelling. Been there, seen that, hated it then, don’t like it more now.

Before we watch a movie, I ask, “Does this one have a plot?” and my boyfriend likes to slyly reply, “You’ll see.” Rather than find his answer charming and exciting, I am often annoyed and make note to reply with “You’ll see” to some question he asks down the road.

Example:

Him: Does this meal have cucumbers in it? I’m allergic.

Me: *sly smile* You’ll see.

Additionally, plots should be delightful. I’ve gone ahead and done a quick assessment of popular conflicts that drive plots:

Infidelity – boring.

Unwanted pregnancy – humorous

Spelling – inspiring

Immigration – culturally eye-opening

Sports – whatever

Teenagers and serial killers – disconcerting

Based on my above brainstorm, I think it has just become shockingly clear what the public wants –

A heartwarming tale of an immigrant, spelling-bee finalist who becomes impregnated. After some witty, accent-filled dialogue, and culture related conflict, the mother will decide to keep the baby, even though it could hinder her spelling bee victory. Hugh Grant should make an appearance as a blubbering guidance counselor trying to learn more about the young woman’s culture, as it will give him a chance to step outside his box as a blubbering bachelor and a legitimate shot at an academy award.

There, I’ve done the hard part. Go on screenwriters – prove you’re still working.