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Category archive for: Jokes

On Making Monologue Jokes

This week I’ve been learning about monologue jokes, and they’re not easy.

For example, here are some news headlines from today:

a) David Bowie died on Sunday, two days after his 69th birthday.

b) Residents of Madaya and other Syrian towns are dying of starvation because of the civil war.

c) Marissa Mayer is going to lay off over 1000 Yahoo employees.

Immediately, I have to eliminate items 1 and 2 from the drawing board, because they’re off limits. According to Joe Toplyn’s Comedy Writing for Late-Night TV you should steer clear of topics that audiences are not ready to laugh at. For David Bowie, it’s too soon, and for the Syrian Civil War, it’s too tragic and too soon. I say “too soon” because after enough time passes, almost everything becomes open season for joke-fodder.

So that leaves c) Marissa Mayer is going to lay off over 1000 employees.  This is also upsetting, especially for the employees who have to support themselves and their families, but they’re going to make it, and I, I can help them through these difficult times by writing a joke about it. I give and I give.

Associations with Yahoo

Old internet technology
Google competitor
Used to dominate email
Ali-Baba stakeholder
Yahoo yodel

Associations with Marissa Mayer

New mother of twins
Hard-working CEO
Former google employee
Likes fashion

Associations with Silicon Valley

Inflated salaries
Young guys

Associations with Layoffs

Denying layoffs
Severance packages
Brain drain
Boards of Directors

So here are some attempts to make this devastating situation for several employees humorous:

Have you heard about this? This spring, over 1000 Yahoo employees are going to be laid off. Yahoo employees picked up the story from Google News.

(So bad. SO bad.)

Have you heard about this? This spring, over 1000 Yahoo employees are going to be laid off. When asked if they read about this on Yahoo News, employees replied, “There’s a Yahoo News?”

(Maybe better.)

Internet giant Yahoo will be laying off over 1000 employees this spring. So software engineers, designers, and yodelers are back on the job market.

(This is the best so far.)

I might just write a stand-up bit that is all monologues and perform it at an open-mic. The audience might be like, “WTF is this,” and after I’m done, I will be like, “Hahaha! We have a great show planned for you tonight! Up next, a slovenly white guy! Stay with us!” And then I’ll push play on a tape recorder and walk off the stage to upbeat jazz music.



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Conversations with a Hoarder 01

Boyfriend: That’s a cute shirt.
Girlfriend: Thanks! I’ve had it since seventh grade!
Boyfriend: That’s amazing! You fit into the same clothes you fit in 13 years ago!
Girlfriend: I knew this shirt would come back in style!

Husband: I didn’t know you were a hoarder.
Wife: I didn’t hide it.
Husband: Well it’s not like I saw your room at your parent’s house.
Wife: You knew I wore clothes from seventh grade. Why do you think I have clothes from seventh grade?

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A Deconstructed Joke

I’ve taken on several activities over the past few months, and I’m pleased to report I’m performing all of them at a mediocre level.

Punch line:
This suggests I’m ready for motherhood.

Mothers are always running around and unable to focus on one thing, according to mom blogs.

Thank you for reading. I’m here all night.

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