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Category: Quotable Quotes

What if it’s bad news?

I haven’t gotten a call yet, and I was expecting one 24 minutes ago. WHAT IF IT’S BAD NEWS?!

No. I need to stay positive.

BUT WHAT IF IT’S BAD NEWS?

No, no, there are laboratories, and people, and phone calls before mine that could take longer.

BUT WHAT IF THEY ARE DELAYING THE INEVITABLE?!

They call in order that the results come in, and they are busy. That room was full of other people, and that’s just one of many offices in the area that needs to process information. So multiply the number of people you saw by 10.

BUT WHAT IF THE SAMPLE WAS LOST?

They don’t lose samples, do they? Wait, is that a thing that happens?

SURE, HUMANS ARE FALLIBLE. MACHINES ARE FALLIBLE, BECAUSE THEY ARE MADE BY HUMANS.

I could just call if I don’t hear back eventually.

YES DO THAT.

And eat a small chocolate while I wait. And have some warm water. With a lemon.

OKAY.

And lentil soup. Lentil soup is good for you.

FINE. WHATEVER.

I love lentil soup.

TAKE THE PHONE WITH YOU.

I’m just going over here.

WHAT IF YOU DON’T HEAR THE PHONE RING?!

I’ll take the phone.

GOOD.

I finished the lentil soup. It was delicious. I squeezed some of that lemon I cut for the warm water into the soup.

OKAY.

It made the lentil soup even tastier, if you can believe it.

OF COURSE I CAN BELIEVE IT. IT’S NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE DONE THIS.

Yeah but it just delights me every time.

WHERE DID YOU PUT THE PHONE?

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For the archives

Here’s a post I started a while back but never finished. I don’t know where I was going with this post. However I’m still publishing it because that’s how vain I am: even my drafts should be documented in case anyone ever needs to study/exhibit my work and writing style. In fact, a couple years ago, my mom tried to throw away something I wrote in fifth grade. I stopped her. “Mom, scholars might need this one day,” I explained, moving the pile of papers out of the trash bin. “These are what they call early works.”

Here’s the post!

 

Last night I played tennis with a racket that has some cracks in it. It’s broken, but the racket still rackets.

I wanted to play with it, because the stringing on it was pretty good.

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Das ist ein kurzer Aufsatz

Guten tag. I purchased Rosetta Stone*. What inspired this? Primarily, Trevor Noah’s book, Born a Crime. This book provides incredible insight into Trevor’s life growing up in South Africa. I learned more about apartheid than I ever learned in school. Noah talks about how he used language to navigate between different groups. Here is a passage from the book:

Language brings with it an identity and a culture, or at least the perception of it. A shared language says “We’re the same.” A language barrier says “We’re different.”

The architects of apartheid understood this. Part of the effort to divide black people was to make sure we were separated not just physically but by language as well. In the Bantu schools, children were only taught in their home language. Zulu kids learned in Zulu. Tswana kids learned in Tswana. Because of this, we’d fall into the trap government had set for us and fight among ourselves, believing that we were different.

The great thing about language is that you can just as easily use it to do the opposite: convince people that they are the same.

With German, I can convince Germans that I am like them. So far it’s going really well. Der Mann ist ein Apfel. Die Frau trinkt Wasser. That means, A man eats an apple. The woman drinks water.
I don’t know how to say, “I …” yet, so I can’t say, “I eat an apple,” because that’s not covered in the first two hours of the course. This feels like an oversight. Maybe it is the course’s way of telling me I shouldn’t be talking about myself. I’m not going to overthink it.

 

*Four years ago, and I started using it today. We will explore the delay in opening and installing it in another post, after if I come up with a reasonable explanation.

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Vocabulary: This Fall’s Words

The following words are going to be staples in my vocabulary this fall:

Garish

Majestic

Precipice

I will seize every opportunity to use these words.

 

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How Do I Get Him to Notice Me?

David is out of town. He never checks in when he’s out of town. I have access to his Amazon Prime account. I want to order a bunch of random stuff (rope, rubbing alcohol, industrial cleaner, a machete, trash bags) so he starts paying attention to me.

He’ll call and say, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”

Here’s how I envision the conversation.

(phone ring)
Me: Hi David!

Him: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Me: Missing you! What are you doing?

Him: No. Those purchases. Why did you make those purchases on my Amazon account.

Me: Hmm? Oh those! I can explain.

Him: Go ahead.

Me: I absolutely needed next day shipping, and you have Amazon prime.

Him: Why did you buy a machete?

Me: I’m just doing my usual thing when you’re out of town. Anyway! What are you up to? How is it going!?

Him: It’s going okay.

Me: I think it would be best if you told people you were in town hanging out with me this weekend. Gotta go! Love you! Can’t wait till you get back!

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Impressed?

I don’t know whether to be annoyed or impressed when I spot an extra long chin hair.

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Formatting

For some reason, this template center aligns the last line of every post. It’s a style thing, and it puts a lot of pressure on me to write the perfect last line.

Can I change the template? I don’t know.
Should I change it? Probably.
Will I change it? No. I will accept the challenge of writing compelling final sentences.

Perhaps computers have already won.

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Accomplishment

I’m a little concerned about the overwhelming sense of accomplishment I feel when I finish watching a Netflix series.

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A Little Something About Me

Do I wake up early every morning to take a 7am spin class? No, absolutely not. I’ve never done that. Do I set my alarm every evening because I plan to? Yes. Because if there’s one word to accurately describe me, it’s ambitious.

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