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Month: October 2013

Like a Vulcan

I thought I looked really good tonight, but David didn’t say anything. So I ate a lot of cheese.

And obviously the title of this post reflects the opposite of its content.

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Sitcom Idea

“If I don’t wake up in the morning, just know that I had a good time.” I sighed, closing my eyes. “You showed me a good time.”
David thought about this for a moment and decided to not accept the compliment: “We need to go to the hospital if you are not feeling well.”
“I’ll be fine!” I replied. “I just drank too much.”
He sat back, “Well that was a really sad thing to say.”
“It was a really honest thing to say,” I whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” he smiled and turned to sleep, absentmindedly-grabbing most of the comforter in the process. I was too weak to grab any back, so I laid there, in the cold, and drifted off to my final sleep.

This is the final scene to my new sitcom: How I Met My Maker. Every episode I unwittingly avoid death in a darkly humorous way, until the series finale, obviously, which will be deeply touching.

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Theories and Things

Things I love:
Chocolate chip cookies (soft)
European desserts
Elbow patches

Conspiracy Theories I have:
Jeff Bezos is the mastermind behind this government shut-down to increase Washington Post readership.

Michelle Bachman is part of a covert, unconventional German operation to destroy the U.S. from within. Even the Germans are shocked she is making progress.

Toyota car recalls are just a ploy to get me back to the dealership to pay for unrelated service work.

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I still haven’t acquired a chai latte. And my fitbit tracker is not maintaining its charge. So even though I’ve exercised this morning, I have no blinking lights to assure me I was actually exercising. And perhaps a foreboding harbinger of the progress congress will make today, my morning constitution was questionable, at best.

UPDATE: I have acquired a chai latte. We can close this chapter in our blog.

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