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Category: Definitions of Success

Week 23

Hello! We are on week 23, and I have yet to write a tight five comedy set about pregnancy. So I’m not capitalizing on my condition correctly.

Other than that things seem to be okay! I have an anterior placenta, which means I feel less kicking and movement than most people, and there’s an extra layer between the baby and my belly. I can feel her inside though, and she’s very sweet because every time I worry I haven’t felt her in a while she gives me a subtle nudge. I worry a lot.

This week we are on a baby moon! David planned it in February, when it was still early, and the rationale was that the trip would be a baby moon or a recovery moon, so thank goodness it is the former! It has been quite relaxing, but dining is a little different because I can’t eat all the things I want. Also I packed some clothes and shoes that don’t fit anymore. My feet are bigger now – perhaps to support the added weight. I took this as an invitation from the universe to go shopping, so a couple days ago David took a nap in the room while I took it upon myself to splurge on some pants, jackets, and a pair of shoes.

At the store where I bought the pants and two jackets, the shopkeeper cut me off, thank goodness. I was trying on another jacket I really liked and she said, “I don’t know, this is a special time in your life, and this jacket will not fit you next week.” Seeing that this observation wasn’t enough to deter me, she continued, “Also this jacket is a little warm for this time of year. It’s thick.”

She said all of this with a beautiful Italian accent. I still wanted the jacket, but better senses prevailed, and I did not buy that one.

After my spree, David was still napping, so I commissioned a street artist to draw my likeness in caricature form. The end result was deeply jarring and a true blow to my vanity, so immediately after that I ate my feelings in the form of delicious gelato. Fortunately David woke up shortly after that, and we went to a museum.

On a different note:
Last weekend I was in Boston for a Women in Comedy festival. It was inspiring and reminded me of how far I have to go. One panel was particularly good. There were senior executives from Disney, HBO, TruTV, NBC, Audible and Just for Laughs. The person from Disney, DMA, said so many good things I could not keep up.

Here are my favorite quotes. They are related to having goals and going after them:

“Speak what you want in this universe.” -DMA

“The universe moves on the speed you are moving and direction you are moving.
Pick a thing and be crazy for it. Stop dreaming and decide.” -DMA

“Say it out loud often and be specific.” -DMA
This was in relation to someone saying they wanted to have a career in comedy. She made the woman specify what it was she wanted, which turned out to be an actor in a comedy series.

“Doors are doors are doors – when you manifest them walk through them.” -DMA
This was in relation to setting goals and going down paths even if they were not the ones you originally intended.

Sitting in that panel discussion made me feel the way I imagine fervent church goers feel. I wanted to jump up and yell, “YES!” Every time she spoke. Instead I took notes and plan to state my goals and work to them.

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Congratulations Readers, I’m Alive!

Connor pointed out that for four months, the most recent post on this site was about preparing for surgery. Since there was no post after that, a casual reader might conclude I had died.

Well, terrific news, rather then die, I truly LIVED these past four months!

Here’s a recap:

The surgery went okay. Since I was under anesthetic, I have NO WAY OF KNOWING WHETHER THEY DID ANYTHING. Half of me believes the procedure is part of a racket. And by half of me, I really mean 75% of me. The surgery was supposed to make it easier for me to conceive, but here I am, typing this entry, four months later, just me. When I cradle my stomach, it is only in shame, because rather than being full with child, it is full with marzipan and chocolate.

David is out of town this week, so major household decisions are in my hands. Yesterday I thought about getting a dog. I even explored a website where you can adopt dogs. But then, as though a sign from the heavens, our neighbor’s dog started barking. Since I could hear the barking through the walls, it was as though it was my own dog barking. I imagined what it would be like, to truly be in the same room as a barking dog. “A nightmare,” I concluded, and closed the pet adoption browser window.

We went to Hawaii. It was AMAZING. It made me remember the world is big and beautiful, and small things should not distress us.

Oh also, here’s neat story about fiscal responsibility: I ordered clothes I didn’t need from Athleta, but since I didn’t need them, I did NOT pay for expedited shipping. So I was expecting them to arrive on the 22nd, but they arrived TODAY – 9 days early! I didn’t frivolously spend on shipping, and it paid off!

One more fun story: today at the dentist, my hygienist was impressed to see that my gum situation had improved. I took a peak at her chart, and she changed “aggressive periodontitis” to “chronic periodontitis.”
“I didn’t know know I had aggressive periodontitis,” I told her. But also in my head, I thought, “Shouldn’t someone have told ME that? Maybe I would have flossed or used that prescription toothpaste they gave me.” She laughed and said, “You sure did! But whatever you are doing now is definitely improving the situation.” I believed her, because she asked me five times what I had been doing differently. It wasn’t flossing, that’s for sure, so I told her: “Drinking more water and trying to get enough sleep!”

*Blissful sigh* That was fun.

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I just ate half a pound of guacamole because it was going to expire today. So yes, I’d say I have my act together.

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Book Club: Origins

Our book club started innocently enough. David, Helen, Ryan and I all agreed we should read Michael Lewis’s Liar’s Poker, in light of the financial crisis. Well, David, Ryan and I agreed we should read it. Helen displayed her usual disdain for anything not related to food or pole dancing.

“You’re going to read it too, Helen,” I calmly explained in response to her protests, “because you are part of the book club.” In that moment, the moment I declared those words, our little book club was born. “Let’s gather on April 29 and discuss the book,” I said. Everyone agreed.

April 29 rolled around, and Helen and Ryan didn’t read the book. I was livid. You can’t have a book club where 50% of the club does not read the book. And there was no punishment for their actions. No penance to be paid. They simply did not read the book, and nothing happened. They didn’t even seem remorseful.

If one person does not do something, that’s one person. But when half of the group gets it wrong, there’s a systemic issue. I was to blame for the failed first meeting.

I regrouped. I took a minute. I remembered that William Shakespeare said, “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” As I thought very hard about the state and future of the book club, I became increasingly determined to thrust greatness upon my book club.

Through a series of steps, I knew I could mold the book club into a literary force that would inspire writers to write, non-readers to read, and the thoughtful to speak.

Here is what I did.

Step 1, I kicked Helen out of the book club. I would have kicked Ryan out too, but then it would just be David and me, and that’s not a book club. That’s a couple reading the same book.

Step 2, I bragged about my book club to friends. This was easy. I’m a natural braggart. The key here was to compel them to ask to join the book club. I can’t force someone to read a book, as Helen taught me, but I can make someone want to be part of something great. That’s what our book club was: respite from the real world, a refuge for the 24 hour news cycle that clutters the mind, a free nose-dive into literature. The conversation would typically go like this,

“Hi! I have a book club meeting tonight. I’m so excited.”
“You’re in a book club?”
“Yes, it’s pretty exclusive.”
“Can I join?”
“Who runs your book club?”
“It’s very democratic. Listen, I think you can join, but you should know, we have a rule.”
“What is it?”
“At the end of every meeting, we vote someone out of the book club.”

That brings us to Step 3 on our climb to book club greatness. I instituted a rule that requires people be voted off the book club. This rule ensured that only people confident in their ability to thrive in a book club would join. The indolent need not apply.

Through these simple steps, I was able to gather 10 sharp minds around one book once every two months. The voting rule also made it possible for me to kick out any members that were holding us back. The book club flourished in 2015.

It was incredible. During one meeting: a member contacted the author of The Morels. He joined us via skype to talk about his book. We read fantasy, science fiction, non-fiction, mystery, British literature, and works from the canon. We laughed over plot twists. We argued over writing style. We challenged gender bias. We grappled with perspective. By day, we were project managers, developers, architects. By night, once every two months, we were reading wizards, casting a spell of discourse through the room that enchanted the mind.

Admittedly, not everything was perfect during these times. Voting a member off after every meeting did have a dark side. Because there were no guidelines around why a person was voted off, new members occasionally presented desperate comments. One time, Drew revealed he didn’t know a character was paralyzed throughout the book. I wanted to paralyze him! How could he make such a gaffe in our book club that would force us to vote him off?! I liked Drew as a person, but as a book club member, he just couldn’t cut it. Another time, Jennie listened to the audio book. Also, I accidently left Alex off of a scheduling email. I couldn’t reveal my administrative blunder, so I just acted as though Alex had been voted off of the book club. This trick was easy to pull off, because I was the only one to count the votes.

And I wasn’t really counting. I was just kicking members out as I saw fit. I couldn’t trust the group to make the right decisions. Trusting people had steered me wrong in the early book club days; I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

In 2016, I’ve decided to further improve the book club. It was time to send members constructive feedback. Everybody loves feedback.

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A Little Something About Me

Do I wake up early every morning to take a 7am spin class? No, absolutely not. I’ve never done that. Do I set my alarm every evening because I plan to? Yes. Because if there’s one word to accurately describe me, it’s ambitious.

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Definition of Success 02

I just closed five browser tabs that are no longer relevant and only have four remaining tabs open, so yes, I’d say I finally have my life together.

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