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Category archive for: Married

Week 6

Something that’s important to know* about David and me is that David sleeps on the left side of the bed and I sleep on the right side of the bed.

Here’s a diagram.
David sleeping

When David goes to sleep, he faces away from me, sleeping on his right side. Hurts my feelings every time. Anyway, that’s just how he sleeps, EXCEPT WHEN HE IS SICK. When David is sick, he sleeps on his left side, FACING ME, coughing into my face all night long.

Contagious David sleeping

It is infuriating. And our baby sleeps on my side of the bed. So now I have to kill David.

*Not important at all

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Nervous

There are a slew of classes you can sign up to prepare. We’ve gotten mixed responses, but I think we have narrowed it down to these ones:

1) Infant care
2) Infant CPR
3) Breastfeeding
4) Hospital tour

My ob-gyn said the last two weren’t necessary, because you don’t know what your breastfeeding situation is going to be until the baby arrives. She also shared the tour wasn’t necessary because that baby is coming out, so knowing about the room isn’t going to matter. The one class she recommended was Infant CPR, which wasn’t on our radar. I appreciated her relaxed approach for a few weeks. But panic just set in, and I have registered us for extra classes.

Also we have to find a pediatrician. I have never had a dedicated doctor or a pediatrician, so this is new.

I learned yesterday that some of these charming body changes might be permanent! I’ll keep the boobs, but my friend yesterday said she never got her regular sized stomach back, and someone else shared their bigger shoe size was permaement. Another person shared she still has her linea negra. WHAT. That one might be okay because I don’t plan on wearing anything where that will be an issue, but still!

And our home is such a mess! I want to pack up all the winter clothes to make space, but I can’t bend over because I am a walking balloon!

Ruh-roh!

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Got Moo Thru

Hello! Should have warned you the title was a bit of a spoiler. We were driving home and the internet told me the Moo Thru would be closed on Monday (today). Well that was not well-received by yours truly, but I handled the news with grace and dignity.

Then as we drove closer we saw a line and that the Moo Thru was in fact open. We pulled over, waited patiently, and the line was helpful because it helped me narrow down my selection to five flavors:

Chocolate
Dark chocolate
Mint chocolate chip
Banana
Strawberry

I could only pick three (that was the maximum) so after some consultation with the ice cream teller I landed on dark chocolate, banana, and strawberry. They were extremely satisfying. I did not get a cone, but their cones are delicious as well.

Now we’re back home, and it’s time to begin the nesting phase of the pregnancy. Note that in the literature it says I will naturally begin this phase. The spirit of cleaning will compel me in the second trimester, they said. This has not happened. Rather, I need to start cleaning now before it’s going to be even more physically difficult to keep bending over. I have to force myself to clean, my least favorite thing. Play time is over.

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Making Tough Choices

For Memorial Day we rent a home with some friends!

This year’s home is near Charlottesville, Virginia. Charlottesville is picturesque, especially in the spring, summer and fall. But my favorite thing about Charlottesville is the Moo Thru on the side of 29 on the way down that serves ice cream from local dairy farmers. All morning yesterday, I was super excited to stop at the Moo Thru. I had big plans: three flavors, one chocolate, the other two would be ones that looked most promising. Three scoops is a lot of scoops, but I’m pregnant, so I can do that guilt free this time. And the taste of gelato was fresh enough in my mind where I could compare the two. I’m not an idiot – I know gelato and ice cream are different, but it’s still fun to compare.

We got on the road in the afternoon, which admittedly was later than the original plan. I ran into a technical hurdle at work that required extra attention.

David was not pleased about our late departure, and the traffic was especially grueling. The total drive was only supposed to be two hours, but by the time we neared the Moo Thru, it was three hours later, and we still had 40 minutes to our destination. There was also a long line at the Moo Thru. This makes sense: it is the best. “Let’s skip this,” I said, “It’s going to take too much time.” I literally said this while holding back tears.

David asked me if I was sure, and I said, “Yes,” determined not to add further time to our trip. He said, “Okay,” and then we kept driving, but he could tell I was distraught. “Let’s turn around and go to the Moo Thru,” he said, slowing down, “You’ve been looking forward to this all day.”

“No no,” I insisted, “Keep going. That’s a long line, and no one here is going to be in a rush to select their ice cream flavors. That’s not the right way.”

So we kept driving, and I knew I had done the right thing, but that didn’t stop the tears for the next five minutes.

Anyway we slept in separate beds last night.

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Week 24

If being a mother involves being flooded with worry and guilt, I think I’m on the right track.

We just finished our baby moon in Italy and France, and I loved it, but every time I ate something delicious like gelato or a croissant I worried that I was doing her a real disservice.

The sites say to eat vegetables (not raw ones), fruits (make sure they are fully washed) and lean meats. No unpasteurized cheeses and raw eggs. This is fine when I’m at home, but abroad is a bit challenging with fruits and vegetables because I don’t want to grab an orange and ask a server to wash it for me.

I also felt guilty every time I rolled onto my back at night while sleeping. You’re supposed to sleep on your left side for optimal blood flow, but that wears on my left hip and thigh and I’ve always been a back sleeper. I also like sleeping on my right so I can face David, but apparently that applies pressure to the appendix.

And shopping. I love things – especially clothes. Not to go all Miranda Priestly on you, but each item of clothing is a display of so many collaborations. When we arrived in Italy and I took out my shoes to wear, I was dismayed to learn they did not fit! This turned out to be incredibly convenient, because it doesn’t take much to persuade me to buy Italian leather shoes. But I did feel extreme guilt any time I bought a jacket or clothing I did not _need_. That’s money that could have been spent on her! I justified these purchases by telling myself I need clothes I can fit into now that I’m bigger, and it’s true, but I still felt guilty. Admittedly I didn’t need _leather_ clothes I could fit into now that I’m bigger.

The good news is that my new bigger size did stop me from buying even more than I might have. I saw some super cute dresses, but I don’t know how my body is going to look after pregnancy, so I resisted.

One of the nicest things about being pregnant is other people. Women offered to let me go in front of them in the restroom (haven’t had to take them up on it yet) and have their seats on busses (also didn’t have to take them up on it). But it’s sweet every time. And I like smiling at moms with young babies, because I feel some camaraderie, and they smile back. At home I had been trying to smile at other pregnant women I saw, but so far they have had none of it. I wonder if now that I’m showing even more I’ll get more smiles.

In Rome I got a pat on the belly from a talkative hairdresser whose chatter I enjoyed, and in Nice from a waitress who encouraged me to eat raw scallops (I did not). My favorite was a server in Rome who told me I couldn’t eat tiramisu, and then when we were leaving he looked at my belly and waved, “Bye bye Bebe!” He seemed sincerely kind.

Tomorrow we have an antenatal scan, so hopefully they can take a look and make sure she’s doing okay. I felt her move some days, and that was always reassuring. But on days when she moved less or didn’t move I was worried until I felt something. I have an anterior placenta, so any movements I feel are more muffled. Sometimes I’m not sure if I feel her move or it’s just stomach churning.

Regardless of the worry and guilt, I am super excited.

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21 Weeks!

I am enjoying being pregnant. I think I’m getting the hang of my new body and embracing it!

And tomorrow is David and my eight year anniversary! I have two cards I could give him. One says, “You’re my person,” and the other one says, “I’m a big fan of you.” I found these in a boutique in North Carolina.
I’m not sure which one to use…first. Here’s the plan. I’ll write in one and put it on his desk so he sees it in the morning. Then I’ll write another and put it on his desk so he sees it later.

Now if you’re thinking, “That’s not impressive for an anniversary gift,” I am just going to stop you right there. Last week I asked him what he was doing Tuesday (not mentioning Tuesday was our anniversary), and he said he had language class and then was going to go out drinking with his classmates after class. So I have already won this anniversary.

I love him so much it doesn’t even matter.

I’m also thinking about a social media post to honor the occasion. What do you think of the following:

A. David and I got married in 2011, and if you told me then each following year would be better than the one that came before it, I would have told you that’s not possible. But it would have been true.

B. Today is our eight year anniversary and David has been playing George Michael’s Careless Whisper on repeat for the past two days.

C. Happy Anniversary to the best thing that has ever happened to me.

D. A few months ago, someone asked David what it was like working in the same office as his wife all day. “Well, it’s really like working next to your friend. We’re buds.” He replied.

E. One year into our marriage, we ate an incredibly delicious meal, but I had a bad reaction to it, so I ended up doing a number three in the bathroom. David found me and helped me clean-up. Then he waited the right amount of time to tease me about it. That’s true love.

F. Happy Anniversary to the best person in the world to laugh with.

G. David doesn’t believe in soul mates because of something about statistical improbabilities, so Happy Anniversary to the person I met in 1998 who I really liked standing next to and could make me laugh then and still makes me laugh now.

H. We’ve been married eight years, and I still get excited every time David enters a room. Happy Anniversary!

I don’t know. I don’t think any of those do him justice. I love him so much. The way he thinks through problems, the way he cares about people, the way he laughs, the way he plays tennis, his sweat after he works out, his coming to all my shows, his spot-on analogies, his trip-planning, his interest in fun meals, his twitter game, his support of my creative activities, his taste in programming and books, his listening to all my thoughts, playing tennis with him, his competitiveness, the way he looks, all of it. I love him so much.

<3

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18 Weeks

We had an appointment this morning. Some appointments they just check for a heartbeat, weigh you, type information into their computers and send you on your way. The only fun part of these is hearing the heartbeat, which is my favorite sound right now.

Today’s appointment was an anatomy ultrasound. This is a detailed look to make sure the body parts are coming in well. So far so good! The baby was moving, so they said they could not check everything, but she did seem to think most of the important organs are looking okay so far. That was a relief.

I shared with the doctor that I’m having trouble sleeping and getting winded easily. She smiled, nodded, and said it would only get worse. Then she asked, “Any other questions?” and I asked about travel and exercise, and then we were on our way!

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What if it’s bad news?

I haven’t gotten a call yet, and I was expecting one 24 minutes ago. WHAT IF IT’S BAD NEWS?!

No. I need to stay positive.

BUT WHAT IF IT’S BAD NEWS?

No, no, there are laboratories, and people, and phone calls before mine that could take longer.

BUT WHAT IF THEY ARE DELAYING THE INEVITABLE?!

They call in order that the results come in, and they are busy. That room was full of other people, and that’s just one of many offices in the area that needs to process information. So multiply the number of people you saw by 10.

BUT WHAT IF THE SAMPLE WAS LOST?

They don’t lose samples, do they? Wait, is that a thing that happens?

SURE, HUMANS ARE FALLIBLE. MACHINES ARE FALLIBLE, BECAUSE THEY ARE MADE BY HUMANS.

I could just call if I don’t hear back eventually.

YES DO THAT.

And eat a small chocolate while I wait. And have some warm water. With a lemon.

OKAY.

And lentil soup. Lentil soup is good for you.

FINE. WHATEVER.

I love lentil soup.

TAKE THE PHONE WITH YOU.

I’m just going over here.

WHAT IF YOU DON’T HEAR THE PHONE RING?!

I’ll take the phone.

GOOD.

I finished the lentil soup. It was delicious. I squeezed some of that lemon I cut for the warm water into the soup.

OKAY.

It made the lentil soup even tastier, if you can believe it.

OF COURSE I CAN BELIEVE IT. IT’S NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE DONE THIS.

Yeah but it just delights me every time.

WHERE DID YOU PUT THE PHONE?

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New Year’s Eve

I’ve been sleeping a lot this past week, because I figured I’d treat myself. I’ve also been reading the physical copies of The New Yorker. This is going to be the new me, I think: someone who reads the physical copies of The New Yorker. I read something about using facial recognition technology on cows to detect pain early. I also read a Washington Post article the other day about how dairy farming in the US is no longer profitable. I’ve always wanted to have a dairy cow, so I don’t know if this is the universe discouraging me from going for that dream: the technology is too expensive and a lack of technology is untenable. Also I learned you can’t raise chickens in my county, so any attempts at farming are out of the question. I guess that settles that.

A lot of 2018 was about trying to conceive. We did our first IUI in February, and we started the IVF process in July. The process has felt all consuming, but I wanted to point out some other things happened in 2018 that I should feel good about, should the transfer not work out:

1) My animated short was accepted into different festivals, including a pretty big one: HBO’s Women in Comedy Festival in Boston. Strangers laughed out loud in a movie theater screening at something I made. Yay! The short won Best Animation for the Broad Humor festival. Yay! Also three people in the media industry listened to a read-through of the _next_ episode and laughed out loud and told me I should “keep going.”

2) We took some very cool trips this year: Indian Wells Tennis Tournament, Mexico, Greece, Canada, London and Las Vegas: all were AMAZING. We watched some great tennis, ate some delicious food, and enjoyed the time together. Traveling with David, whether it’s a walk to the supermarket, a car road trip, or a long flight, is always the best.

3) The tennis team I captain made it to the playoffs in the Fall! I don’t think I won any matches personally, but I did set lineups, enter in scores, and write inspiring emails, so that’s nice. And to do this, I had to learn about the rules I had been ignoring previous seasons, because we didn’t have a real chance before.

4) My D&D character died and came back to life. This had nothing to do with me, really. The death was accidental, even though I had been trying to kill off my character intentionally for months. The resuscitation was entirely thanks to David who wrote a scathing email about the circumstances of my character’s demise. I was touched by this, and I’d like to think that if I were to die in real life, David would also have some thoughtful, stern words for the people in charge. I think I might make a bullet journal in 2019, primarily to do a better job of tracking my D&D progress. I have a terrible habit of falling asleep at D&D sessions (on account of them running late and my not sleeping a lot), so maybe a bullet journal coupled with a new commitment to sleep will help in some way.

5) I rode 150 miles on the bike in December, which was a big Peloton win for me. And I did this via 30 and 45 minute rides, which I typically avoided. And I recognized I was not as fast as other riders, but I could make up the miles by riding more. This was a valuable lesson I hope to take into 2019: persistence can get you pretty far.

6) I directed a holiday comedy show. This entailed reviewing and editing scripts, setting the order, casting, selecting the music, making sure the tech script was ready-to-go. I also wrote a sketch and performed in the show. And I was really proud of how it came out. The crowd laughed. We tried new things: it was great. I was super proud to invite my friends and family to the show, and it was fun to do.

7) I wrote a tight 5 (4.5 technically) and performed it at an Open Mic. I only did one Open Mic this year, but at least I did it! My friends who came laughed and laughed, and strangers were confused that I was doing a Mrs. Claus bit, which is weird because it was the day before Christmas Eve… so there really should have been more holiday jokes. The only holiday jokes people had were about loneliness and suicide, and they didn’t feel like jokes as much as suggestions. Anyway, my friends who had come from out of town almost felt out of their chairs laughing, because they are good friends.

8) From a work perspective: I personally contributed to at least a 44% increase in sales, with considerably less resources than we had before. And I think it might have actually been more, because I did not count the contracts yet.

9) I think I wrote more blog entries this year, and that’s always a good thing.

10) OH! Here’s a thing I was SUPER proud of: I made mashed potatoes. My family agreed to let David and me host for Thanksgiving, so we were in charge of the menu. David cooked pretty much everything, because he is a better cook. But I used the internet to learn how to make mashed potatoes, and I peeled them, boiled them, and put them in the mixer and added butter, milk and a pinch of salt. They tasted amazing. I also baked cookies this year, and they were well-received.

11) I produced another animated short. I was worried it was not good enough, so I did not show it to anyone. I’m planning to share it tonight.

All in all, this list was helpful. 2018 was a year of some progress!

Wishing you and yours a wonderful 2019.

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Mixed Emotions

I know it’s important to have positive thoughts right now, but I can’t tell if I am feeling hormonal rage or genuine rage. Here’s what happened:

For Memorial Day weekend this past year, David was tasked with making a cocktail. In typical David fashion, he took this task very seriously, researching simple but pleasant cocktails. He also recognizes the importance of presentation, so he found a used punch bowl and lovely matching glasses. This punch bowl has been sitting on our office floor for a few months, and I ran into it yesterday and again by accident today, and it hurt! So I got mad! He was supposed to move it so long ago!

Also why is our place such a mess!? And why are people working today!? I was supposed to be the only one working so I could finish up items on my task list!

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