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Week 6 Part 2

To be fair, we are both sick.

Here’s what happened: we went to a wedding on Sunday. That is the only time I was really out in public. We also went to a restaurant Saturday, but I feel we were pretty isolated there. Anyway we went to a wedding on Sunday. Then I stayed home with our beloved while David continued living his best life, playing D&D, working out, playing tennis, going to a baseball game, etc. Tuesday night, I was exhausted and thought, “When David gets home, I will ask David to give her a bottle of expressed milk for her middle of the night feeding.” I was really excited about this plan. David got home after baby and I fell asleep, and when I woke to give him the good news, before I could even say it, he told me his throat hurt and he had bought cover guards to help prevent him from giving the baby a cold. I was really glad he bought guards, but I was not ready for the baby to have a cold. I also got sick soon after David broke the news of his impending cold, so I don’t know if I caught the cold from David or if we caught the cold from the wedding. Our immune systems are compromised, so it was only a matter of time. David keeps repeating how rare it is that we have coughs and runny noses at the same time.

Also yesterday she was really fussy after an excursion to the park. Nothing I did would calm her down. While David napped, I tried feeding her, rocking her, skin to skin, changed her diaper twice, fed again. I was worried this meant she had caught a cold, but I think she might be in a growth spurt.  Anyway, when David woke up from almost a TWO HOUR NAP, I said, “David I don’t know what’s wrong,” and he said something to try to be soothing, but I think I heard “Calm down, she’s totally fine,” and I can’t remember how I replied, but it was with extreme displeasure.

Anyway now I have a different dilemma! If she is in a growth spurt, I should wake her up to feed her, but I’m not supposed to wake her up at night. WHAT AM I TO DO!

Also I have to write Thank You notes for all the gifts we have received. Yesterday I tried posing her with one of the toys she received to include with the note, but I can’t decide whether to send the picture. She is propped up (you can see our hand in the photo), with one hand on the toy and her face looking away from the toy in disdain. I feel like the toy is a bit of a nuisance, and her expression seems to reflect that sentiment. We are so on the same page. She is literally the best.

 

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Week 6

Something that’s important to know* about David and me is that David sleeps on the left side of the bed and I sleep on the right side of the bed.

Here’s a diagram.
David sleeping

When David goes to sleep, he faces away from me, sleeping on his right side. Hurts my feelings every time. Anyway, that’s just how he sleeps, EXCEPT WHEN HE IS SICK. When David is sick, he sleeps on his left side, FACING ME, coughing into my face all night long.

Contagious David sleeping

It is infuriating. And our baby sleeps on my side of the bed. So now I have to kill David.

*Not important at all

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Week 5

We started using the pacifier. I think we started using it Thursday of last week. David used it when he couldn’t calm her down one night. To my delight she spit it out, but then he put it back in, she accepted, and now we use it liberally.

She’s in a new stage where she is deeply unhappy if she is not being held. I can get behind this stage and love every minute of it, but it’s also quite limiting if you want to go to the bathroom, eat, or look at pictures of her on your phone. I was also worried (general state of affairs) because I read somewhere that babies sleep 16 hours a day, and that is NOT what she was doing. Also sleeping on people can’t be comfortable, can it? Anyway, I know why she prefers it. She hates sleeping (and farting and pooping) on her back, and they tell you to exclusively have kids sleep on their backs, and it has created general chaos and probably a whole generation of deeply traumatized kids. People cite vaccines for the rise in autism, but what if it’s actually this whole nightmare of putting kids on their backs and waking them up every few hours, which is behavior similar to how we torture terror suspects? Hmmm?

We also went to a farm on Saturday! It was such fun! She slept through the whole thing, but we felt pretty accomplished. Going to a farm entails:
1) Changing her diaper
2) Picking out an outfit appropriate for the weather
3) Feeding her at a time that would optimize the trip
4) Changing her diaper
5) Putting her in the car seat, putting on a hat* and grabbing a blanket
6) Getting the stroller and the baby carrier
7) Driving for 30 minutes
8) Deciding whether to use the stroller or carrier (we chose carrier)
9) Feeling deep shame that we did not have a hat to protect her face from the sun and because of this also noting we cannot send any farm photos to the grandparents
9) Walking around a farm and taking a hay ride (20 minutes total) while avoiding any toddlers, tall grass that could have ticks, or anyone who might have a cold
10) Taking lots of pictures
11) Eating and feeding her if she’s hungry
12) Driving home for 30 minutes

Our friends recommended a course called Taking Cara Babies which provides tips for helping babies sleep. This course so far has resulted in 2/3 nights of better sleep! I have watched 4 of the 7 videos. It’s hard to find 30 minute chunks to watch them. One thing she recommends is swaddling, which is essentially putting your kid in a straight jacket. Another thing she recommends is definitely waking up your baby during the day to feed. I need to do that soon. Ugh, I do not care to wake her. Also hate the jacket, but it appears to work.

Also David has a cold. This is inconvenient. I love him, and I am also mad at him for getting this cold. I hope she does not get this cold. I hope I do not get this cold. I think every week we have something new to figure out:

Week 1: Breastfeeding and clothing
Week 2: Breastfeeding still
Week 3: Burping
Week 4: Feeding myself
Week 5: Sleeping and career decisions such as how much of my sense of self-worth is tied up in my career income (all of it) and what can we do for affordable and good insurance. And now, possibly, a cold.

Oop she’s awake!
….

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Week 4

My beautiful girl is having trouble passing gas. She turns bright red and breathes heavily every time she does it. She also screams. We try cycling her legs, lifting up her legs, and I give her a breast, but nothing seems to work well. And yesterday it felt like she had gas all day.

On Sunday I read somewhere that it could be my diet, but my diet is pretty limited. I don’t drink cow’s milk – only almond milk. I don’t know why. I started doing that for the gestational diabetes. I do eat lactation cookies, because they’re essentially oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, which are delicious. I also have kale smoothies, Greek yogurt, eggs, salad and fruit. That’s pretty much it!

On Monday we went to her one month check-up. We asked about the gas, and the doctor advised we try probiotics. When we asked when and how to administer the probiotic, the doctor asked, “What time do you give the Vitamin D supplement? That’s when you can give her the probiotic.” And we were like, “WHAT VITAMIN D SUPPLEMENT?!” She was very taken aback that we weren’t giving her a Vitamin D supplement, but we did not know we were supposed to be doing this. If you breastfeed, you are supposed to give the baby a Vitamin D supplement. Breast milk is magical, they say, but apparently it’s lacking one thing. My knees and wrists feel awful and standing is difficult – I am now wondering if I also need Vitamin D?

On Tuesday our baby was super alert. We gave her the probiotic around 5pm, and she was very alert all night, not pausing for a nap, and around 11pm she lost her mind, screaming inconsolably until around 2am. David fed her, burped her, changed her diaper, changed her clothes, but she would not be appeased. Tears streamed down her face, and it was devastating because we did not know what was wrong. Finally she fell asleep on me, with both of us terrified that in our fatigue she would fall off. They advise you not to sleep with your child, but these past couple nights she hasn’t been able to fall asleep in her bassinet. They say kids at this age sleep 16 hours a day, but that is not what we are experiencing, unless she’s napping with her eyes wide open like some kind of productivity master.

Now it’s early Wednesday.

Something else that has also happened in Week 4 is that David and I have been I-don’t-want-use-the-word-arguing-but-maybe-that’s-the-right-word. We have been debating pacifier usage, bottle feeding, and I have asked David to make breakfast in the mornings. He thinks I’m holding her too much, and I should put her down, which might be fair, but given how quickly these four weeks have gone, it has dawned upon me that these moments are fleeting, and should something happen to me, I want her to know or vaguely recall she was loved. He also asked why I was so committed to breastfeeding, and I shared that I read that when you breastfeed, the baby’s saliva communicates back to my body if she is fighting disease or needs additional antibodies, and my body creates them for her.

During the one month check-up they also administered a worksheet for me to fill out asking about whether I was “extra anxious for no particular reason.” The response options were: All of the time, Some of the time, Once in a while, and Never, and I was like, “I am anxious all of the time for VERY GOOD REASONS.” David agreed that my disposition had not changed from pre-pregnancy, and we filled in “Once in a while.”

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Waiting Game

They have been giving me pills to soften my cervix. My water broke, but I wasn’t dilated and as of Tuesday (two days ago) my cervix was in tact, so I’ve been taking low doses of some pill every four hours that is supposed to soften the cervix and bring on contractions.

It’s 3:49 am and I’m in pain, but that’s it. I don’t have much else to report.
I was not in pain from 12:30pm to 2am, so I’m kind of pleased to finally be in pain. I was having contractions according to the monitor earlier, but I didn’t feel anything.

I can see the other rooms as well on the monitor, and I’m a bit jealous that those ladies seem to be having more frequent contractions. I’d like to get this show on the road.

David’s sleeping in a pull out bed next to me. He’s doing well. Our parents have visited and people are excited, but I’m worried she’s taking her sweet time.

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Water Breaks

My water broke this morning around 10:35. Last night I thought I was having contractions, but since the pain was in my upper abdominal I decided to stay put.

So I was very curious about how I would know that my water broke and it wasn’t just me having light pees. Here is what happened: I peed a little. Then I leaked. Then I put on clean underwear and that got wet. Then I walked around and liquid I had no control over dripped down my thigh as I squealed in dismay, “I’m leaking in the apartment!”

Then I called the ob-gyn office and left a message asking what to do. Then I called the hospital to pay my co-pay, but no one picked up there and I left a message.

A little later someone called from the hospital. It was a person to collect the co-pay! After paying, I told her my water broke and asked who to call. She transferred me, and now we are at the hospital in the labor and delivery room waiting to see the doctor.

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Week 39

Me this morning: David! I lost my mucus plug!
David: Oh! Should we buy you a new one?

David doesn’t know what a mucus plug is, which is fair. I didn’t know what one was until we got closer to labor. Losing a mucus plug is one of the signs of impending labor. You can lose it weeks before, so it’s not like your water breaking.

Other signs of labor are contractions and bloody discharge. Bloody discharge is not a great sign.

Yesterday the doctor was going to do a cervical wipe to help thin out the cervix, but she said I was so closed they couldn’t do it. The baby’s head is down and facing my back, which is how she was positioned last week too. Hopefully she stays this way so labor goes smoothly.

Movement has become quite difficult. Also there’s less room in my stomach, so I still love eating, but the next day if the food doesn’t come out, I feel like what I imagine labor will be like.

I got a pedicure and a manicure Sunday (manicure didn’t have polish, just made sure to trim down nails so I didn’t accidentally poke the newborn). And I uh…think I’ve decluttered? There is of course more to do. I think I’ve been secretly hoping the baby comes and someone else does the final cleaning for me. Or with a baby I don’t care about things anymore and just let David throw everything away, which is what he has been itching to do.

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Body Image

Me Yesterday Morning: I am an adorable pregnant woman. You can really only tell I’m pregnant when I turn to the side. My face remains slim and my arms – toned.

Me Yesterday Evening (after seeing several photos of myself): What?! Who is this chubby troll?!

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Week 38

Okay I’m getting super excited. Our place is in complete disarray, so we are not ready. But I’m getting excited. I don’t have a rainbow baby, but tempering expectations and general fear has been a big part of the pregnancy for me given how many years we’ve been at this.

Over the weekend it finally dawned on me that it wouldn’t be just David and me anymore. We’ve been together since 2007, married since 2011, so we’ve had a lot of time to get to know each other. Walking down the hall with him is the best. Driving places with him is the best. Movie nights are great. Eating at places where the food is delicious is amazing, and eating at places where the food is disappointing is super fun. Even the fight we had this morning over de-cluttering was entertaining for me. He hated it and thinks I’m a dirty hoarder. But I think we have a good thing going.

I’ve been drinking a lot of smoothies to help with the blood sugar. Starting the day off with a broccoli, kale, banana, and apple smoothie is pretty good for the metabolism. “Get away from me, your breath is awful,” he says, when I’m drinking it. “That smoothie you drink actually makes me love you less,” he declared this past weekend. Luckily he casually followed that sentence up with, “But I love you so much that it’s okay to love you less.” I don’t know if I got the exact words right. I think he phrased it more eloquently, which is embarrassing because I’m the aspiring writer, and he was just talking. But the gist of it was there: we have some wiggle room in our relationship. I’m thinking that wiggle room is going to come in handy as we welcome a new person in.

38 weeks means the baby is fully cooked. The best practice recommendation is that the baby comes out at 39 weeks and 40 weeks at the latest. A study of babies who were induced at 39 weeks versus ones who came out at 41-42 weeks revealed that babies who came out earlier were lower risk of C-section and overall had less complications or NICU requirements. So we plan to pick an induction date to make sure the baby is out at 40 weeks. I met with my least favorite ob-gyn yesterday, and she’s the one on-call for the last possible day. Luckily she has grown on me, so we are going to pick a date that…that…I don’t know. David wants to pick the latest possible date so we can continue to clean, but I am still worried I’m going to mess something up. So we’ll have to talk it over.

Here’s something else that is odd. Because we are considered high-risk (we’ve been high risk since the beginning, because of the IVF and my age), we now have weekly appointments at the ante-natal center. They measure the amniotic fluid and do a non-stress test for the heartbeat. BUT THEY DO NOT MEASURE THE BABY’S SIZE. They’re already there, looking at everything, so I don’t understand why they do not do this extra step. I’m especially annoyed they do not do it, because I am controlling the gestational diabetes with diet and exercise, but I know for a fact the devices that measure blood sugar are faulty. I did my own experiment where I pricked blood and measured using three different devices for a week, and they all threw out different numbers, and then when I did more research I learned they only have to be within +/- 20% range. My blood sugar numbers are close enough where if the device is 20% off, I should be on insulin. I’m sure I’ve written about this before. Anyway, all the high-risk facility would have to do as an extra check to know that it’s not affecting the child is to tell me how big she is every week. But they only measure every four weeks, even though I’m there being probed every week. Anyway, I’d like to know how big a watermelon I’m about to push out.

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