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Date archive for: June 2007

Bermuda triangle, girl scout, or alpine skiing?

As usual, I have very important news.

Last night was supposed to be a very relaxed night. But then, my friend called me up and said, “Want to go to a bikini competition?”

“Yes.” I responded, without hesitating. As a pervert, such competitions are often very enjoyable for me to watch. That’s a joke, of course. I’m not a pervert.  I’m just a lonely man, looking for love in all the wrong places.

Anyway, I have always wondered what it was like to go to MTV’s Spring Break or participate in some other form of youth revelry. So now, in my older age, I am quick to jump on any opportunity that will give me a glimpse of the fun I could have had.

Anyway, we got there, had some drinks, and the competition started. The one thing I remember distinctly about competition is the young announcer who asked the competitors questions. He was awful. He just kept asking the exact same questions. One of his questions just required that the girl pick one word from three he supplied. 

Here are three of the five interviews I watched:

DJ: Do you have a boyfriend?

Girl: Yes

Audience: Booo!

DJ: Oh no! Do you have a girlfriend?

Girl: Uh…no. I have a boyfriend.

Audience: Booo!

DJ: Choose one of three: bermuda triangle, girl scout, or alpine skiing.

Girl: *blank look*

DJ: (speaking slower) Bermuda triange…Girl scout….or allllpine skiing.

Girl: Uh, I don’t know, girl scout

Audience: Booo!

DJ: Looks like the audience didn’t like that!

Girl: *Smiles and waves*

DJ: What are you going to spend the money on if you win?

Girl: I can’t tell you that.

———————

DJ: Do you have a boyfriend?

Girl: No!

Audience: Yaaay!

DJ: Oh no! Do you have a girlfriend?

Girl: Maaaybe..

Audience: Yaaay!

DJ: Choose one of three: bermuda triangle, girl scout, or alpine skiing.

Girl: *blank (and completely justified) WTF look*

DJ: (speaking slower) Bermuda triange…Girl scout….or alpine skiing.

Girl: Uh, I don’t know, girl scout

Audience: Booo!

DJ: Looks like the audience didn’t like that!

Girl: *looks confused*

DJ: What are you going to spend the money on if you win?

Girl: Vegas baby!

———————

My favorite, however, was the following Q&A:

DJ: Do you have a boyfriend?

Girl: No, I have a son.

Audience: Yaay!

DJ: Oh no! Do you have a girlfriend?

Girl: No.

Audience: Yaaay!

DJ: Choose one of three: bermuda triangle, girl scout, or alpine skiing.

Girl: Girl scout

Audience: Booo!

DJ: Looks like the audience didn’t like that!

DJ: What are you going to spend the money on if you win?

Girl: My son.

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Major Productivity

After an impressive three hours of brainstorming over at imawkward.com headquarters,

we have modified the look of the home page. 

Specifically,

 we put a lot of

s

p

a

c

i

n

g in the introduction paragraph to make it read more

dramatically. 

You probably agree that this is a pretty brilliant change.  

For those of you unfamiliar with the old look, back in the day (yesterday), that paragraph was just one simple paragraph. 

Now, the site introductory paragraph is full of empty space

and 

meticulously

left,

right,

and center aligned 

sentence fragments. 

We have also increased the font size.  

 Such progress is unprecedented.

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I'm Irritable

I’m having one of those “over-reacting to everything” sort of days.

For example, one of my employees put something in reverse chronological order. I stared at the numbers, and then angrily thought, “WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?! YOU KNOW THE RULES! MY DAY IS RUINED!”

And then, I re-ordered it, all the while shaking my head irritably. This task took a whole minute.

I also have this pen that is very messy. Often, more ink comes out of it than necessary. Today, in my heightened state of annoyance, I seriously considered replacing the pen – throwing it away, even. I know, a strong move, but that’s just how irritated I was. Instead, recognizing that I shouldn’t make these kinds of decisions when I am not thinking rationally, I put a cap on the pen and vowed to use the computer to jot down notes and tasks today. Anything that absolutely must be written on paper will be written with my highlighter, a writing utensil that has never leaked on me.

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Lookin' good! ..well, soon

Today I am wearing glasses, and my hair is up in in a disheveled pony tail. Nevertheless, I look intelligent and adorable. It’s very impressive, actually. I’ve outdone myself. Most days I just look good, but today I look really good with very little effort.

Truly, few people can pull off this look as well as I am at this very moment, right now. Spectacular. I should decorate my cubicle with mirrors so as to bask in the glory of my own movie star good looks.

On the other hand, this site is not looking as good as I am. So, it must have a grand makeover. Changes coming soon, dear visitor, changes coming soon.

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