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Date archive for: April 2017

Germs

I was at the laboratory in the doctor’s office today for some blood work. The room had posters about the importance of washing your hands and general cleanliness guidance all around it. People in the room are not supposed to eat, drink, use chap stick, or apply make-up, because all of these things facilitate germ transfer.

I had my water bottle with me, and I asked if I could put it on the table. “Can I put this right here?” I asked, hovering the bottle over a table.

The nurse looked at me, then at the table, and said, “I wouldn’t. That table is dirty.”

“Oh! Thank you for honesty!” I replied.

Then I fumbled with my water bottle clumsily, but the whole time I was thinking, “WHY IS A TABLE IN THIS ROOM DIRTY?”

 

 

 

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Chess Master

I’ve recently taken up chess on my phone, because no one will play with me in real life. And to be clear: the reason people are avoiding playing with me is NOT that I’m very good. I’m terrible.

I’m so terrible it’s embarrassing for my loved ones to watch. And they refuse to help me improve by continuing to play with me, and now I have to play against a computer on Level 2 (the second lowest level) and experience defeat privately several times a day.

On the phone, you can set it so that a buzzer goes off before you are about to make a mistake, to help you improve. The sound goes “Egh.” So all David hears when I play is:

Game: Egh

Game: Egh

Game: Egh

Game: Egh

Me: (make strong executive decision and move a piece)

Me: Oops!

 

 

 

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At My Wit’s End (Not really)

I just saw someone on Facebook describe their two year old as “witty.” I wanted to write, “Hello! Is your kid a prodigy who has mastered the nuances of the human condition, or are we just throwing that word around now?”

Instead, I just liked the post, because I’m not a monster. I’ll talk to that kid one day, and judge for myself.

 

 

 

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Hell Hath No Fury

….like that of a woman who has been trying to get pregnant, but is not yet.

Is that the expression?

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Found the FitBit Charger!

I found my FitBit charger! Here is how I found it: I was looking at the floor under my desk, and it was there, on the floor.

Here’s The Tale of the Missing FitBit Charger:

Once upon a time there was a FitBit and a Charger. They had a very special friendship. Every seven-to-ten days, they would come together, with Laptop, to power FitBit for the next seven-to-ten days.
Charger asked nothing of FitBit, only provided a connection that served as FitBit’s lifeblood.

Then one day FitBit went to Japan. Without Charger. Charger was devastated. “How could FitBit take Charger for granted?!” Charger thought. “I give and I give, every 5-7 days!” The more Charger thought about it, the more despondent he grew.

Finally, in a fit of despair, Charger flung itself off the desk where it normally resides, into the dark abyss.

The End.

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