The other day I heard that screenwriters are about to go on strike. I found this to be very shocking because the lack of good movies out recently suggested to me that they were already on strike. That’s right George Clooney, you may be smart and sexy, but you’re not immune to imawkward.com/blog’s scrutiny.
The last movie that made me laugh, cry, and develop a sincere appreciation for unorthodox music was Juno, and that came out in December – over three months ago! Juno had likeable actors, a heartwarming plot, and quick witted dialogue with sass reminiscent of this very blog. 😉 It was a great movie.
After Juno, I saw The Savages. The Savages was about watching a man die. I wanted to kill everyone involved in the movie, most of all, however, the screenwriters who helped make such a film possible. I was also surprised the Big Man Upstairs would allow the public release of such a human disaster.
Sitting around and blogging about how bad movies have been recently isn’t constructive, however. I need to help.
Movies should have plots, or story lines. An hour and a half snapshot into a man’s life akin to Death of a Salesman is no longer innovative and compelling. Been there, seen that, hated it then, don’t like it more now.
Before we watch a movie, I ask, “Does this one have a plot?” and my boyfriend likes to slyly reply, “You’ll see.” Rather than find his answer charming and exciting, I am often annoyed and make note to reply with “You’ll see” to some question he asks down the road.
Him: Does this meal have cucumbers in it? I’m allergic.
Me: *sly smile* You’ll see.
Additionally, plots should be delightful. I’ve gone ahead and done a quick assessment of popular conflicts that drive plots:
Infidelity – boring.
Unwanted pregnancy – humorous
Spelling – inspiring
Immigration – culturally eye-opening
Sports – whatever
Teenagers and serial killers – disconcerting
Based on my above brainstorm, I think it has just become shockingly clear what the public wants –
A heartwarming tale of an immigrant, spelling-bee finalist who becomes impregnated. After some witty, accent-filled dialogue, and culture related conflict, the mother will decide to keep the baby, even though it could hinder her spelling bee victory. Hugh Grant should make an appearance as a blubbering guidance counselor trying to learn more about the young woman’s culture, as it will give him a chance to step outside his box as a blubbering bachelor and a legitimate shot at an academy award.
There, I’ve done the hard part. Go on screenwriters – prove you’re still working.