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How Do I Get Him to Notice Me?

David is out of town. He never checks in when he’s out of town. I have access to his Amazon Prime account. I want to order a bunch of random stuff (rope, rubbing alcohol, industrial cleaner, a machete, trash bags) so he starts paying attention to me.

He’ll call and say, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”

Here’s how I envision the conversation.

(phone ring)
Me: Hi David!

Him: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Me: Missing you! What are you doing?

Him: No. Those purchases. Why did you make those purchases on my Amazon account.

Me: Hmm? Oh those! I can explain.

Him: Go ahead.

Me: I absolutely needed next day shipping, and you have Amazon prime.

Him: Why did you buy a machete?

Me: I’m just doing my usual thing when you’re out of town. Anyway! What are you up to? How is it going!?

Him: It’s going okay.

Me: I think it would be best if you told people you were in town hanging out with me this weekend. Gotta go! Love you! Can’t wait till you get back!

Published in Married Quotable Quotes Social Life

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