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I Am Cool Now Posts

Polyhydramnios and LGA

I have a condition. Or, we have a condition? The first is called polyhydramnios, and when they first started listing it, I thought it was pretty common, but apparently it’s only 1 out of 100 pregnancies or so. The second is LGA, which means the baby is larger than average.

Something I’m running into though is that when the doctors talk to me, they’re pretty calm. But then when I read the notes, it seems _not_ as good. For example last week I had moderate polyhydramnios, and I just looked at the notes from yesterday, and it’s SEVERE polyhydramnios now! No one mentioned I had been upgraded.

I’m also doing this thing where I’m making plans that are going to be physically challenging to keep, because I figure that I’ll just go into labor beforehand and not have to follow through. But so far I’ve had to follow through on everything, and that’s on me, I know.

Also I’m really physically tired. However, I’m so committed to watching Twitter implode that I can’t sleep. I just need to scroll. BUT I JUST READ THAT IF YOU GET LESS THAN SIX HOURS OF SLEEP YOUR LABOR IS LONGER AND MORE LIKELY TO RESULT IN A C-SECTION. There is no winning here! What happens is I go to bed around midnight, get up around 2am to use the restroom, doom-scroll or read, and then my perfect *knock on wood* daughter wakes up in the middle of the night and insists one of us sleeps with her, and I’m happy to oblige.

Anyway, hoping we go into labor soon so I can renege on our social commitments. But also I should probably stare at my closet and figure out some clothes that will fit this weekend, because this kid seems super comfortable.

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You May Exit the Premises

I am ready for this baby to come into the world. On Friday I thought it was going to be time. I felt strong contractions and I was wildly productive and emotional: did laundry, hugged first-born, packed go-bag with first-born, washed dishes, went to toy store with first-born, washed car seat covers, scheduled and got a haircut, and then the contractions stopped, and I ate some chocolate (ie. returned to my normal ways).

I thought Friday was the big day because in the morning my mucus plug came out. But apparently that can come out weeks before. I’ve had contractions for over a month. Apparently that’s common with my condition, which is a big baby and lots of amniotic fluid.

Also he needs to safely exit because I am a very anxious person, and the longer he stays, and the bigger he gets, the more opportunities I have to research complications, and that’s not good for anybody!

And I fell a week and a half ago. Did I tell you about this? My shopping cart was rolling away in the parking lot, and I thought, “Oh no! The cart will hit a car!” and I chased it, and I fell over because I haven’t run in months, and I landed on my hands, knees, and stomach, and the cart probably hit a car, but I didn’t care anymore when I hit the ground. I popped up because I didn’t want a car to drive over me, and then I called the OB and she said I should go to Labor and Delivery for monitoring. Everything was fine, but that was a jarring experience, and it made me feel super dumb. A SHOPPING CART! Most of the scratches and bruises have healed. But I still feel embarrassed about this lapse in judgment.

I also feel like the luckiest mom in the world to have our daughter. At Labor and Delivery they asked if I have a will, and that made me think about how I don’t have a way to let my daughter know how much she was loved as she got older. I just hope David hands her my phone and shows her the thousands of photos and videos when she’s older. Preferably it’s my phone and not just his, because I think the photos I keep on my phone are more flattering depictions of us.

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I am measuring 47 cm, which means I am measuring 47 weeks pregnant, which I didn’t know was possible. I am 37 weeks pregnant.

At some pointed I wanted to do maternity photos, but I think I’m now too big for them. The size of my stomach is perhaps too distracting for a reasonable photo. Also David found out they can run $400, and he pulled out his phone and said he would take family maternity photos.

One of my dear friends said, “You look past pregnant. You look like you’re a parody of a pregnant woman – someone who has stuffed a watermelon under her shirt and strapped it in.” She’s correct.

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Hate Passwords

I am so bad at remembering passwords. I know there are applications that can help store your passwords, but I don’t believe I will be able to remember the password to that application either.

I’m also bad at cleaning up/decluttering.

And I’m always late. Even my period would be a couple days late every cycle. My mind and body collaborate to ensure I’m late. I’ve convinced myself that if I were to show up on time to something, friends and family would worry. I now have to be late to keep up appearances.

Cooking. Cooking is just not my forte. I’ve figured out boxed Mac and Cheese, out of necessity, I can bake cookies, but always at 4x the estimated recipe time, and I can boil an egg or make a messy omelet (omelette?), but that’s about it.

I’m not entirely clear on how to chop an onion. Like I did it a couple days ago under my mom’s direction, but I’m not sure I would be able to do it on my own.

I don’t floss. I do it once in a while. It’s just the mirror is not easy for me to see when my glasses are off, and I don’t want to floss with my glasses on, because I think my glasses are usually off right after I wash my face. And if we’re being honest, even when I could see the mirror, I would not floss every day.

I don’t wear deodorant when I’m pregnant, so there’s that.

Oh no, I’ve been drinking 1/8 cups of coffee every few days during pregnancy because I cannot resist, and I just read on Instagram that drinking coffee during pregnancy makes your kid shorter. Eek!

I’m definitely a hoarder.

I don’t finish reading every book I start reading. It’s worse than that. I have a few books on display I haven’t actually read yet.

I don’t bring a lot to the table. But I love hard. I love the people in my life so much.

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Do You Remember the Time

I started laughing today thinking about a moment on our honeymoon.

We were in northern Spain, and we had a small rental car that we had somehow driven off-road following the navigator directions.

We were at the top of a beautiful mountain. The view was stunning. The trees all around were lush with green leaves. The small rental car was stuck and the path was narrow.

I told David, “If we die today, it would be okay, because I have never been happier.”

And David replied, “Shut up. No. Ugh. You are not being helpful.”

I don’t remember how David got us out of there, but I’m glad he did. And I’ll never be so ridiculous again, especially now that we have additional responsibilities we care deeply about.

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Admittedly, I’m Pretty Big

Things I hear a lot:

“Let me guess, twins?”

“Looks like twins!”

“When are you due? REALLY? Six MORE weeks?”

“Are you sure it’s not twins?”

“As, um, beautiful as you look, we have been so impressed by your ability to move around all weekend.”

“Are you going to be able to make it through the weekend?”

“I saw you turn around and thought ‘WHOA, SHE’S VERY BIG’.”

And admittedly, I am pretty big. I am measuring on the high end of the safe range, and when I look at pictures of other people at a similar point in their pregnancy, they always reveal they are pregnant with twins.

I don’t think it’s twins. I haven’t been to a doctor yet, so I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure it’s just one kid.

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Phone Banking

I’m phone banking today for Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense. It’s my first time.

I just reviewed the tips, and tip #1 is to smile when you are talking.

The script says, “Our country is reeling from the recent tragedies and the 110 Americans taken from us every day because of our gun violence epidemic.”

So I won’t smile when saying that sentence. I will smile if they agree to be connected to their senator. This is me putting my own little touch on the guidance.

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I Want to Do Everything I Want

My daughter has started saying “I want to do everything I want,” when she knows it’s time to go home or get ready for bed time. She says it really calmly. I love it.

The first time she said it was Wednesday May 4, while playing in the basement. We had been lightly tossing a deflated football, and then she wanted to ride her rocking horse, and then she wanted to chase David’s old remote control car.

The second time she said it was on the playground, Thursday. It was the next day. It was late, but she wanted she wanted to go down a big slide and then swing before we went home for dinner. David said, “I make the decision,” and she replied, “No, I make the decision.” Then she repeated, at the top of the slide, “I make the decision.”

Even though what she wants has not been aligned with what I want (her to go to bed sooner), I want her to do everything she wants. I want her to make a plan. I want her to make decisions. I want her to be able to follow through on her vision. And as an adult watching people work really hard to take away women’s rights, I don’t really know what to do right now.

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I Didn’t Get the Wordl

I didn’t get the Wordl today, and I was really upset. At some point I had tied a great proportion of my self worth to my magnificent Wordl streak. That was a mistake.

Today at 12:38am, everyone was asleep, and I sat in the dark on the couch, staring at my failure.

I tried to do mantras. “I am a person. I have a lot of things going for me.” But they felt forced. I didn’t believe them. I didn’t go back to sleep until 2am.

I also reached out to my support network. Transparency is better than walking around with this shameful secret. So now you know too.

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Fiction 1: I’m Not Saying the House is Haunted

Look, I’m not saying the house behind us is haunted. I am saying that the crows maintain the gutter. The crows see the wet leaves piled up on the roof, blocking the gutter, and they move them. And then they fly away. So even though no one lives there, the house appears to be taken care of.

And I’m not saying there is a talisman buried beneath the house. I am saying that the house sold for $948,000, even though it is unlivable. The basement flooded, the windows are boarded, and the land is only worth $340,000 according to tax records.

I’m definitely not saying there is a wizard that visits the house. I am saying that the “developer” who keeps popping by wears a lot of purple. And purple is not a color most developers wear. I can’t even remember the last time I saw a purple shirt in a store window, or advertised online.

It would be irresponsible of me to say the developer wizard is a dark wizard. I honestly can’t tell if he’s a good wizard or a bad wizard, or a wizard at all. I can say that for a house that has a flood rating of a 7 out of 10, he appears super calm. I would be panicking constantly if I cared about the property. But this developer does not seem to mind at all. Almost as though the house doesn’t matter to him, only the talisman buried beneath the house that controls the crows. And maybe the water erosion is helping the talisman emerge from beneath the house. It’s cheaper for the erosion to unveil the talisman, rather than to dig up the site.

And if, hypothetically, the developer wizard can control the weather and is responsible for the rain storm we had last week, that would definitely be cheaper than demolition. Demolition requires permits. You don’t need county approval for causing inclement weather. Plus, he already spent a lot of money over-paying for the house.

I don’t believe the developer wizard has already unlocked some powers of the talisman. But I did just read a report that Joro flying spiders are going to descend onto our region this summer. “The spider gets its name from Jorōgumo or Yōkai, a Japanese spirit, which disguises itself as a beautiful woman to prey upon gullible men.” These two things can’t be related.

They can’t.

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