I’m not seeing any dandruff on my shoulders right now, so I’m going to mark today off as a success.
Leave a CommentCategory: Quotable Quotes
I feel like the word “discovered” is used incorrectly a lot, by me. So when I use it I have to justify it immediately.
“I discovered a new soy-glazed salmon recipe…in my cookbook. Yes, it was a harrowing journey through the pages and I lived to tell the tale.”
I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older, my goals for the day have become less and less ambitious, but equally challenging. It used to be, “I plan to finish my to-do list by the end of the day and get a head start on tomorrow’s tasks.” Now it’s more like: “I’m going to try to not overeat at dinner tonight.”
Leave a CommentOne of the most awkward things to tell people is that I am an aspiring comedian. It always follows with this conversation:
Person: Tell me a joke.
Me: Well, I’m aspiring, so I don’t have many jokes yet.
Person: Tell me one.
Me: (hesitate)
Person: (getting angry) Come on. Tell me one joke.
Me: It’s not very good. (Lower expectations)
Person: Come on!
Me: Okay, here it is (pause, take a deep breath, build anticipation)
Person: (Stares.)
Me: I was at an open mic last week. And I thought, “Wow, that looks very difficult. I bet I can make that look difficult too.”
Person: (Stares. Slowly begins to nod.)
Me: That’s the joke.
Person: I get it. That’s kind of funny.
Me: Thank you. That’s my best joke.
Gossip Girl is back. And so am I.
“Uh, I had no idea the two were related,” you think. That is very astute. Normally there would not be a connection, but Monday’s episode was so inspiring that I knew I would be doing a disservice to the internet community if I stayed silent. Specifically, there are two big revelations that I must blog about.
1) Serena Vanderwoodsen is now a production assistant. To demonstrate the chaos that accompanies such a role, she has adopted the sloppy ponytail. She makes it look chic, so I trust the sloppy ponytail is back in style. This means my sloppy ponytail is also in style. I am thrilled.
2) Foster the People’s “Houdini” is fabulous. It was on the episode, so I bought it. I like to mentally cry, “Sometimes I want to disappear!” with all the angst I’m now too old to justifiably feel, but still do. I’m so full of angst. The song also has a refrain that goes, “Focus on your ability!” Focus on your ability!” So it’s unique because the song has anguish, but it also has an inspirational message that resonates. It’s perfect.
That’s about all that is worth sharing about the season premier of Gossip Girl this past Monday. Everything else that happened on the show made me suspect that I am getting too old to watch the show. *Eyes narrow.*
Leave a CommentI received this note today:
Thank you for your quick response. Please note that all three of you will be required to come to closing to sign the documents so please make sure Laurie can be here as well.
Let me know what Laurie says as soon as possible.
Thank you.
I responded* with this note:
You’re welcome. Laurie may not be able to make it, as she is traveling. Will it be alright if we bring someone who resembles her?
Let me know as soon as possible.
Thank you.
*I didn’t, but I really wanted to!
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I’ll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand new shirt.
I’ll get home early from work if you say that you love me.
-Cheap Trick
Take my photo off the wall if it just won’t sing for you.
-Jet
Everyday we wake up
We choose love, we choose light
And we try, it’s too easy just to fall apart.
-The Submarines
I grabbed some frozen strawberries so I could ice your bruisy knees
But frozen things they all unfreeze and now I taste like
All those frozen strawberries I used to chill your bruisy knees.
-Chairlift
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well but you make this hard on me.
I’m not gonna write you a love song.
-Sara Bareilles
I am thinking it’s a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they’re perfectly aligned.
-The Postal Service