David is out of town. He never checks in when he’s out of town. I have access to his Amazon Prime account. I want to order a bunch of random stuff (rope, rubbing alcohol, industrial cleaner, a machete, trash bags) so he starts paying attention to me.
He’ll call and say, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”
Here’s how I envision the conversation.
Me: Hi David!
Him: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Me: Missing you! What are you doing?
Him: No. Those purchases. Why did you make those purchases on my Amazon account.
Me: Hmm? Oh those! I can explain.
Him: Go ahead.
Me: I absolutely needed next day shipping, and you have Amazon prime.
Him: Why did you buy a machete?
Me: I’m just doing my usual thing when you’re out of town. Anyway! What are you up to? How is it going!?
Him: It’s going okay.
Me: I think it would be best if you told people you were in town hanging out with me this weekend. Gotta go! Love you! Can’t wait till you get back!