At work on Wednesday someone – other than me – ate my yogurt. I sauntered over to the office refrigerator, opened the door, and noticed that my fruit bowl was not sitting on top of my yogurt. I didn’t panic right away.
First, I reviewed the contents of the rest of the fridge, thinking maybe my yogurt had been moved to some other shelf.
However, my search soon ended in vain, and I realized that the unthinkable had occurred. My nonfat, blueberry yogurt was sitting comfortably in someone else’s tummy! I knew what I had to do. I took a casual stroll around the office to review the contents of everyone’s trash bin. I soon found the culprit – the empty yogurt container was in the first bin I passed to get back to my cubicle. Torn between confrontation and passive resistance, I sat down at my cubicle to think about how to approach such a, dare I say, awkward, situation. I imagined many scenarios. Confrontation Scenario 1:
Me: Hello! I notice you have eaten my organic, nonfat, blueberry yogurt.
Him: Yeah, what of it?
Me: Uh, nothing, I just wanted to let you know I’m very observant.
This scenario was awful. I promptly imagined another. Confrontation Scenario 2:
Me: Hey, uh, I’m sorry. There seems to have been some confusion. I probably should have labeled my yogurt, but I’ve been eating it every day for the past two years, so I thought every one here knew that was my yogurt.
Me: Yeah, so, it’s no biggie, but I’d appreciate you not eating it again.
Him: There’s other yogurt in the fridge.
Me: I can’t just eat other people’s yogurt. What is wrong with you?
This scenario was an improvement, but then I thought about emailing the entire office. Confrontation Scenario 3:
Dear Office, Every day my mom packs me a lunch of fruit and organic, nonfat blueberry yogurt. She puts a lot of time into picking out a fresh container of yogurt for me, and it is very important that I eat it. It is delicious, it ensures timely bowel movement, and it provides me with my much needed doses of calcium and vitamin D. (Insert picture of the yogurt.) So you see, when you eat my yogurt, you’re not just eating my food. You’re killing me slowly.
This scenario was a tad extreme. I decided against it. On Thursday, I ate my yogurt first thing in the morning, so no one could eat it before me. Then, when a co-worker casually asked me what I was having for lunch, I said loudly, “I eat yogurt for lunch everyday!” The co-worker stared. I continued, “Yup! Blueberry yogurt!”
The co-worker looked around: “Okay. Uh do you eat anything else?”
I replied, still articulating loudly, “Sure sure, but the nonfat, organic, blueberry yogurt happens EVERY DAY.”