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Date archive for: July 2012

Brilliant Nicki, Just Brilliant!

In addition to being a pop sensation, Nicki Minaj is a champion of science and research, I’m pretty sure.

On my drive to work this morning, listening to her wax poetic about dancing drunkenly, presumably on the dance floor, it occurred to me that her hit song, “Starships” is actually about expanding NASA’s space program. She has casually inserted these lyrics in there, and it’s only a matter of time before it becomes a common phrase that everyone is repeating. This unassuming neologist has been turning her talents to social engineering, and in the finest way.

If I may, here is a refrain to the catchy tune, Starships:

I’m on the floor, floor
I love to dance
So give me more, more, ’till I can’t stand
Get on the floor, floor
Like it’s your last chance
If you want more, more
Then here I am

Starships were meant to fly
Hands up, and touch the sky
Can’t stop, ’cause we’re so high
Let’s do this one more time

This line about starships, repeated throughout the song, has nothing to do with the rest of the song. But unlike Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” masterpiece, the non-sequitur lyrics in Starships perhaps serve an alternative purpose: put starships in flight. I’m a big fan of space research, so I shall now also become a fan of Nicki Minaj. Bravo! Let’s put starships in flight!

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An Ode to David’s Tennis

David I love your fun curly hair
I love playing tennis as a pair
And even more fun than playing together
Is when we play against one another.

Your backhand is weak, it is not strong
And so I hit to it non-stop, that’s not wrong
It’s for your own good, it’ll make you better
One day it’ll be perfect; by the letter!

And I’ve noticed you’ve been coming to net more.
That’s good because the same game is a bore,
And it forces me to practice my net skills.
When we’re both up there it’s a battle of wills.

I plan to win all the battles David, I love to win!
And when you throw your racket it makes me grin.
Because you’re a better player than me I know it’s true.
Anyway it’s fun to play tennis, especially against you.

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A New Approach to Parking Tickets

I saw the classiest thing the other day. These two guys returned to their car, and the person in the passenger side saw that there was a parking ticket. He took the ticket, shook his head, and showed the ticket to the driver, who also shook his head. Then they got into their car and continued their evening, driving off. That was it.

Usually, when I get a parking ticket, I do the exact opposite of what I witnessed. “WHAT IS THIS?!” I yell indignantly. And I know what it is, and since I am holding it, I continue rhetorically, “IS THIS A PARKING TICKET?! WHAT THE HELL!”

Holding back tears, I look around for the signs that justify the infuriating piece of paper. Then I yell at the sign, which is usually hidden behind a bush or on the other side of a meter in small font. “NO ONE SEES YOU.” And then I yell again, “NO ONE SEES THIS!” in hopes that there is a meter maid nearby who will hear me and make a mental note to recommend that the city invest in larger parking signs.

After concluding my investigative work, I embark on an anti-city-government tirade with the type of vitriol that should probably be reserved for like, murderers or health insurance agencies.

However, after seeing these two gentlemen, and how calmly they treated the occasion, I have made a mental note to adopt a new approach to receiving a parking ticket. Hopefully I won’t have an opportunity to try it out soon.

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It’s Time to Sparkle

It has been a long time since I updated. You’re probably thinking, “Well…your last entry was about social awareness…surely you have been tied up in philanthropic endeavors. That is admirable, and for that, your absence is forgiven.”

Well, thank you. I appreciate your understanding. I…might have just been busy with regular work…but that is neither here nor there.

I’m back now, and that is all that matters. So without any further ado, I shall share something very important with you:

I am going to add the word “sparkle” to my vernacular. I’m going to use the word every day, because it’s the most beautiful word. I’m also going to make “sparkling” part of my life mission. In everything I create, I will ask myself, “Is there enough sparkle here?” If the answer is “No,” I will deem the work unacceptable until it shines. If I meet someone with an exceptional amount of sparkle, I will befriend them, and then I will mimic everything they do, so that I too can have an exceptional amount of sparkle. And on days when it is difficult to sparkle, I will sparkle brightest of all.

Hoorah!

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