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Category archive for: Fashion

Me, Online Shopping

Me: This looks like a nice dress.

Me: *Clicks on dress.*

Me: Oh good there’s a video with a model.

Me: *Clicks play button.*

Me: Okay very nice, walk, turn, put your hands in the pockets.


Me: *replay video*


Me: *Looks for pictures of model with hands or hand in a pocket on the dress. Do not see any. Read the specs.*

Me: Well that’s a shame.

Me: Okay, I guess I just saved myself $78.

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More thoughts on my amazing coat

As you know, I have an incredible coat. Now that the weather is colder and darkness descends upon us all, I’ve had more opportunities to wear my black coat.

David has taken to complimenting my on my coat, and I’m going to put some of the compliments here, so I can remember them.

October 2016

David: You look like a futuristic witch.


November  26, 2016

Me: How do I look?

David: You look great, like you’re ready to fight in the Matrix.



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A New Haircut

I have always been interested in making myself a better version of myself. So I take haircuts very seriously, because if I look good on the outside, people think I am a better person on the inside too.

I’ve also always been interested in bangs. However, in the United States, when I go to salons, the conversation usually goes something like this:

Stylist: So what are you looking for today?

Me: I’d like a fresh new look.

Stylist: Oh, so like a bob or a short hair cut?

Me: No no, mother wouldn’t like me to cut my hair short.

Stylist: Okay, so maybe some layers.

Me: I want a fresh new look. I’m thinking: bangs.

Stylist: Long, side-swept bangs?

Me: No, real bangs.

Stylist: (looks uncomfortable) I wouldn’t recommend that for you.

Stylist: How about some highlights?

Me: No, mother does not want me to dye my hair.

And then after more back and forth, I get a trim and some layers.

Well, we were in Japan last week, and the Japanese excel in everything they do, so I knew it was time to get a haircut. I selected a salon from Time Out Tokyo, called Ridicule. With a name like that, I knew I was guaranteed a hip new look.

Here’s how the conversation went down.

Stylist: Irassyaimase!

Me: Konichiwa! Sumimasen, do you speak English?

Stylist: Very little.

Me: Arigatou, I was thinking about bangs.

Stylist: (blank look) Oh! Bangs! (frowns) (Says something in Japanese)

Me: Sumimasen. (I look sheepish)

Stylist: (takes out mobile phone, types in something, shows translation to me) “Do you know how to brush your hair.”

Me: Yes! (Did my hair not look brushed?)

Stylist: (hands me a magazine)

Me: (I flip to a page and point to a picture where the girl has bangs.)

Stylist: (Looks at picture, flips to a different one of a woman WITHOUT bangs, presents it to me.)

Me: (Shake my head, flip to a new picture of a girl, with bangs).

Stylist: Okay! (And smiles supportively.)

Anyway, here’s pretty much the outcome.


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Aging Well

Some classy things I’ve done in the past week:

No no.
No no.

1) Telling the car rental person, “No no, you can’t be serious,” after she presented me with a black Scion as my rental car. “That looks like a hearse; I’m going to back it into a pole in my parking garage.”

“So you …want a different car.”

“Yes, absolutely. Why is that Scion on the consumer market? Wait. Is it even for sale on the consumer market?”

“You can have a Rav4.”

“Thank you.”

2) Explaining to my sister that I can’t help with Thanksgiving dinner because my outfit was too nice to risk dirtying.

3) Canceling my pending order on “No, I will not try again later, I will compromise on buying clothing in the incorrect size because these are great prices, but I will not tolerate technical issues.”

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Two Types of Clothes

I have two types of clothes in my closet. Clothes with chocolate stains and clothes I haven’t worn yet.

Thank you very much. I’m here all night.

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An Unexpected Twist of Fate

Today I threw caution to the wind and put two items of clothing in the dryer. The instructions advised line drying.

What inspired such reckless behavior, you wonder. Well let me tell you.

The two items of clothing were “lounge wear.” So they were casual attire. I never fathomed that clothes designed for comfort or exercise would have finicky washing instructions. And today when I was doing laundry and saw the label, I was at first flabbergasted.

“Line dry?! Cool iron if needed?! You are a hoody!”

Then I stared at the hoody. “Why stop there? Why not dry clean only, your highness?”

So I gave it some further thought: if these lounge clothes could not sustain a journey through the dryer, they had no place in my wardrobe which is already too full of high maintenance clothes. I debated returning them to the store. Then I had an inspired idea: I would put the clothing through a trial by ordeal. The Gods would determine their true merit.

I washed them with like colors, and then when the time came, I put them both into the dryer on tumble dry. But that didn’t dry anything. So then I added time and changed the temperature to medium heat. When the wash was done, I would know whether they could be a part of my closet team.

They both shrunk. So, the moral of this story is to check washing instructions before buying an item of clothing.

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Let’s Hope It’s Not Alive

I can’t be sure, but I strongly suspect the necklace I’m wearing today has become sentient. Let me explain. This morning I was debating whether or not to wear the silver necklace. I haven’t worn it for over a year, and that I even thought to wear it today was quite the peculiarity.

Anyway, I reached for the ziplog bag it usually rests in and was surprised to see that the ziplock was not closed. Rather the necklace was peaking out of the lock as though it already had its own plans this morning to exit. I didn’t think much of this at the time and put the necklace over my head.

I then walked over to a mirror to evaluate my ensemble selection for the day. Upon immediately deciding the necklace would not do, I reached to pull it over my head only to find that in the two steps between putting on the necklace and finding a mirror, the necklace had managed to entangle itself in my hair!

“I guess you get to stay on me today you devious necklace.” I said.

I then decided it wouldn’t be lady-like to have the necklace stuck in my hair, so I continued to attempt to disentangle it at the very least. Within seconds of declaring I would keep the necklace on, the necklace seemed to release my hair strands from its persuasive grasp and endear itself to me for being reasonable.

Now I sit here, content with my decision to wear this necklace today but slightly uneasy that the decision was not entirely mine.

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Bonjour Ma Cherie

Hello my dearest. I have returned from Paris, a city that lights up in the winter so brightly and beautifully that you forget how little you’ve accomplished with all the opportunities you’ve been given. “Wow, that sentence didn’t end the way I expected it to,” you think. Yes, me neither. We’ll have to explore that professional despair later though, because right now we need to discuss the wonderful fashion trend we found in Paris: Elbow patches.

Elbow patches instantly make every shirt, cardigan, and blazer outstanding. Take this hoody for example. It’s okay. Nice cut.

Now take a look at this. Boom.

You see me and you think, “Wow. Just wow. This woman is obviously an intellectual. She is that rare mix of culturally informed and socially accessible. I’m not quite sure how I know, but I do.”

If you hadn’t read this entry, you wouldn’t understand what is triggering this astute observation, but you would feel it in your heart. And then, then you would think, “I want to be her friend.” That is the power of elbow patches.

Fortunately I had the good sense to purchase not one, but two shirts with elbow patches, during my travels. I immediately put them into my ensemble rotation, and it’s only a matter of time before I am the sartorial envy of all my friends.

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