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Category archive for: Social Life

Sweater vest?

Hello blog!

Usually, I wouldn’t write in you after making such huge promises of site progress, and then not even making a tiny effort to follow through.  Rather, I would ignore you for months and then return with even grander promises. That’s just how I roll.

Today is an exception, however, because our system is sort of down and I am unable to do work for which I am paid. So I turn to you, in my time of boredom.

So…it’s Thursday…and the weather is really nice…and…uh….I’m going to have some fruit for lunch…and have you heard that song “Naive” by The Kooks? It’s pretty catchy. You probably haven’t heard it – it’s Indie. It’s big in the UK though.

More importantly, I’ve been very seriously considering changing my warddrobe. My go-to ensembles include fitted hooded sweatshirts, jeans, and button down shirts.

I am now thinking about embracing vests, specifically, sweater vests. It would be a rather bold transition to make, and I may not be able to make it. Stay tuned, dear blog, for a fashion adventure may be right around the corner.

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Bermuda triangle, girl scout, or alpine skiing?

As usual, I have very important news.

Last night was supposed to be a very relaxed night. But then, my friend called me up and said, “Want to go to a bikini competition?”

“Yes.” I responded, without hesitating. As a pervert, such competitions are often very enjoyable for me to watch. That’s a joke, of course. I’m not a pervert.  I’m just a lonely man, looking for love in all the wrong places.

Anyway, I have always wondered what it was like to go to MTV’s Spring Break or participate in some other form of youth revelry. So now, in my older age, I am quick to jump on any opportunity that will give me a glimpse of the fun I could have had.

Anyway, we got there, had some drinks, and the competition started. The one thing I remember distinctly about competition is the young announcer who asked the competitors questions. He was awful. He just kept asking the exact same questions. One of his questions just required that the girl pick one word from three he supplied. 

Here are three of the five interviews I watched:

DJ: Do you have a boyfriend?

Girl: Yes

Audience: Booo!

DJ: Oh no! Do you have a girlfriend?

Girl: Uh…no. I have a boyfriend.

Audience: Booo!

DJ: Choose one of three: bermuda triangle, girl scout, or alpine skiing.

Girl: *blank look*

DJ: (speaking slower) Bermuda triange…Girl scout….or allllpine skiing.

Girl: Uh, I don’t know, girl scout

Audience: Booo!

DJ: Looks like the audience didn’t like that!

Girl: *Smiles and waves*

DJ: What are you going to spend the money on if you win?

Girl: I can’t tell you that.

———————

DJ: Do you have a boyfriend?

Girl: No!

Audience: Yaaay!

DJ: Oh no! Do you have a girlfriend?

Girl: Maaaybe..

Audience: Yaaay!

DJ: Choose one of three: bermuda triangle, girl scout, or alpine skiing.

Girl: *blank (and completely justified) WTF look*

DJ: (speaking slower) Bermuda triange…Girl scout….or alpine skiing.

Girl: Uh, I don’t know, girl scout

Audience: Booo!

DJ: Looks like the audience didn’t like that!

Girl: *looks confused*

DJ: What are you going to spend the money on if you win?

Girl: Vegas baby!

———————

My favorite, however, was the following Q&A:

DJ: Do you have a boyfriend?

Girl: No, I have a son.

Audience: Yaay!

DJ: Oh no! Do you have a girlfriend?

Girl: No.

Audience: Yaaay!

DJ: Choose one of three: bermuda triangle, girl scout, or alpine skiing.

Girl: Girl scout

Audience: Booo!

DJ: Looks like the audience didn’t like that!

DJ: What are you going to spend the money on if you win?

Girl: My son.

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Growth

I have some good news and some bad news.  

The good news is that the conversation aid part is up!  More good news is that I will try to end each entry with a thought provoking reflection about the real world, as I promised in the first entry for this blog.  

The bad news is that I am strangely addicted to high school television dramas. I watch them and think, “Oh, so this is what the popular kids were going through all that time.  No wonder they could never finish their homework.”  

For those of you worried about how my cold is doing, rest assured that I am nursing myself back to good health.  I have been drinking plenty of fluids, and getting some rest.  I have also limited how much I speak so as to avoid straining my throat.   

Having a cold has, uh, taught me a lot about personal growth.  It’s important to overcome the obstacles that get in your way and not to let them overcome you.  

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I'm Shocked You've Never Heard of Me

Some very important events have transpired that I must share with you.

First off, I have a cold. Now usually, I would be really irritated to have a cold, but I’m using some super soft Kleenex that is making my nose-blowing experience rather pleasant. Sometimes, I hold the Kleenex up to my nose just to feel it against my skin.

In other news, we have a family reunion coming up. It is very important that I exude success and have something to brag about. As this site is my first project, it is imperative that it becomes a hit so that when my aunt asks, “What do you do?”

I can proudly say, “I’m the prodigy behind imawkward.com. Surely you’ve heard of it. AWKWARD. A-W-K-W-A-R-D. No? You haven’t? I assure you, it’s big.”

“Oh, is that like that company google, where your cousin works?” she will respond.

“Exactly,” I will nod. I might even take it a step further, “I’m surprised you’ve heard of google and not imawkward.”

She will stare.

I will continue, “You know, it’s kind of refreshing to be around people who have no idea how big I am.”

At this point my mom will probably find me and drag me away before I further embarass my immediate family.

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Looking Ahead

Last night I saw Demetri Martin on the Daily Show. He was totally delightful! I innocently thought, “I should marry him.”But then I got ahead of myself, thinking, “Well, he would have to get a haircut before he meets my parents…and what if he’s not funny in real life? What if he’s so dedicated to creating humorous presentations that he’s actually serious at all other times? Surely I would be disappointed if we were dating and he was constantly ‘shushing’ me because he needed to focus on his work. And our kids might turn out ugly. That would be tragic. There is nothing sadder than an ugly child. Would they be able to embrace humor as a defense mechanism as I have? Or would they be miserable because their parents were always making jokes? Oh Demetri!”Okay, I just did a google search for him and found his personal page. I learned that I was spelling his name wrong – so I have gone through this entry and done a find and replace from Dmitri to Demetri. Also, after reviewing his site, I’m having trouble deciding whether he’s extremely brilliant or a complete idiot. Let’s hope, for the sake of our progeny, it’s the former.

In more important news, this site is making some impressive strides towards completion. There is now an apparel section. I have also solicited my internet friends for awkward moment stories. I asked my laser tag team if they had any good awkward moment stories, but they all said, “Noooo, not really.” Clearly, they are liars.

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