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Category: Social Life

I Found Him

I was at the US Open…
IMG_6473

And amidst the crowd…
waldo1

I spotted him.
waldo

Get it? It’s Waldo! I’ve been searching for him since I was a kid – the elusive Waldo. Well, my work here is done. * wipes hands *

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This Stuff's Made in NYC

Pssst. Are you watching the Nadal v. Monfils tennis match right now? I am! I love Monfils. He’s such fun. We have a lot in common, including large, well-defined muscles, the foot-speed of a gazelle, and the gift of flight. Just kidding, I can’t fly.

It’s a great match though. They each have one set right now.

In other news, I’m such a New Yorker. For example, I ride the subway, sometimes going Uptown, sometimes going Downtown, depending on where I plan on going. Sometimes I walk instead of taking the subway, because I can. I have real style too. For example, the other day I wore a dress, with a t-shirt on top, and a leather belt. The piece de resistance of the ensemble? A pair of Reef flip flops. Impeccable. It was original, classy, and casual, all at once.

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Sun is Shinin'

Yesterday I saw the world through a whole new lens.

Literally.

I bought sunglasses! At the beginning of the day, I was prepared to pay top dollar (maybe a little less, preferably sale price) for some nice, slick sunglasses. “I’m going to go to the Sunglass Hut!” I thought to myself. “Maybe, maybe I’ll get Chanel sunglasses. Does Chanel make sunglasses? If not, I’ll get Dior. Maybe Burberry? Who knows. Who knows what designer brand will shield my eyes from the brutal sun?”

Before embarking on my quest for the perfect sunglasses, I did research on face types and their matching glasses. If you have a pointy chin, you want glasses that do not call attention to your chin. Your glasses must NOT be wider than your cheekbones. If you have long hair, you must try the sunglasses on with your hair down AND your hair up. I took vigorous notes as I scoured the internet for such guidance. I was committed to purchasing impeccable sunglasses. Like Moses freed the Jews from Egypt, I was to free my eyes from the sun’s glare. It was my destiny.

So there I was, ready to go to Sunglass Hut, ready to change the way I looked at things. Then, I realized something. I cannot afford designer sunglasses.

I struggled internally.

Bad me: Designer sunglasses are the only ones that have true UVA/UVB protection.

Good me: That’s not true.

Bad me: Designer sunglasses will make men want you, and women want to be you.

Good me: That is true.

Bad me: And designer sunglasses will bring you the happiness you’ve yet to find anywhere else.

Good me: Wait what?

Bad me: Up until now, our life has been an empty, demoralizing struggle for attention, recognition,
quite frankly, even the slightest acknowledgment of existence, and designer sunglasses are the key to changing all of that.

Good me: I think you’re taking this too far.

Bad me: Of course you do. That’s why you will be lost forever in obscurity.

Good me: You shouldn’t waste money on designer sunglasses. You’ve done the research, you can figure out what good glasses will look like. You cannot afford the glasses!

Bad me: Steal them!

Good me: No! I will not!

Bad me: So be it. BORED. You bore me. * yawn *

Well, Good me prevailed, and I got some excellent sunglasses from CVS! For $17.99 I feel good about my new sunglasses. They’re hip, they flatter all the right features, and I remain the law-abiding citizen my parents raised me to be.

Score one for the good guys.

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I've Come So Far

Today I found myself conversing with a 13 year old. “How old are you?” she asked.
“I’m…old.” I sighed.
“How old,” she thoughtfully demanded.
After I revealed my age, she responded, “You don’t look like you’re over 18.”
I was rather pleased.

Then she asked her next question: “Can you drive?”

“Well yeah.” Her eyes lit up with such delight I felt compelled to let her know that I can drive and I have a car.

“My car’s over there,” I said nonchalantly, pointing to my car in the parking lot. I knew actually seeing the vehicle would impress her even more. The car would do all the talking.

“The Benz?!” she responded, wide-eyed, clearly astonished with the black convertible Mercedes Benz, glistening under the bright sun. It was sunny out, so the top was down, showing off its sleek, leather interior.

“No no, the Toyota right next to it. A beacon of stability.” I boasted. “Plus, I can go up to like 60 mph in that thing, which is 5 over standard speed limits. If you could drive, you would know that’s really fast…. It’s illegal to even go that fast. So I wouldn’t. But the point is, I could.”

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Pretty Nice Little Friday

Hey Blog, sorry I won’t be able to update today.

David just moved into his new place. We got a big day today.  Well, actually pretty nice little Friday. We’re going to to go Home Depot! Yeah, buy some wallpaper,  maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath and Beyond. I don’t know. I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.

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The Globe

“But cousin, what if we essayed to steal
The clownish fool out of your father’s court.
Would he not be a comfort to our travel?”
As You Like It (2.1.123)

Globe

Blog! I visited The Globe Theater yesterday to see As You Like It.   In the lines above, Celia and Rosalind have decided to run away to the forest, and then Rosalind says, “How about we take the clown too?”  So then they go and get the clown as well.

Isn’t that brilliant? Taking a clown! It is. I would insist on taking humor-relief with me if I were going to go live in a forest.  And if I were rich, I would demand a comedian followed me around to make clever quips during all kinds of situations.   So, for example, if an officer pulled me over for speeding in my classy Astin Martin, I would turn to the comedian, sitting by my side, and insist on a joke.  “Go on now! Do something hilarious!” Then I would turn my attention to the law enforcer, “Officer, prepare to laugh.”

Of course, every once in a while, my comedian would fail me, and in those cases, I will stare and blink at the comedian.  This will give the comedian time to recover, or, in extreme cases of comedy block, just turn and run away.

Sorry, that was a long aside blog, it was just important that I share it with you.  In other news, I was surrounded by Americans in Shakespeare’s Globe. Other American tourists are ruining my authentic cultural experiences, blog.  So, naturally, I quietly glare at them in disdain when they talk out loud.  I won’t have it!

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Hullo Blog!

Hullo Blog, I’m in the UK now, reporting to you live from Oxford. I can hear the rivuh Thames breeze gently by as I ponder the works of Shakespeare and Ian McEwan. Ha! Of course that’s bollocks, blog, I can’t hear the river. I’m indoors, on my laptop.

My first great purchase abroad – I’m based in the states you know – has been Cadbury’s dark chocolate! I bought two packs. I love this stuff. I would pump it into my veins if I could. I’ve already made plans for how to bring it back, en masse, to the states.

Chocolate

Also, I bought some Nutella, of course, and some Ben and Jerries ice cream. There’s a heat wave, so I thought the ice cream would be a good idea. It cost 4.65 pounds, which is $7.62, which means I paid almost $8 for a pint of Ben and Jerries Phish Food. * shakes head *

Blog in other news, I am headed to London tomorrow! Have you heard of it? It’s a modest town in the heart of the United Kingdom.

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I Can't Get Enough!

Hello there blog!

On Saturday, I learned about Stop Motion video shorts. They are so cool! Stop Motion video shorts are when you use a series of photos to make up a video. It’s really time consuming, but the result is super fun! So then blog, guess what I stayed up Saturday night doing? If you guessed, “Not post in your trusty blog,” you guessed right. Well done. What sass you have, blog! Get over it. Your bitterness is unbecoming, blog, unbecoming.

No more suspense! I also made a Stop Motion short! I’m so proud of it! In honor of the boyfriend and my two year anniversary, I bring you this.

Before you see it, though, I should explain an inside joke. On a road trip we went on, there was a Decemberists song playing on the radio. He listened and said, poignantly, “This is the Decemberists,” and then after a thoughtful pause, he said, even more poignantly, “I like….”

I leaned in in eager anticipation of the golden words he would choose to follow up his “I like…” and eventually realized he was done thinking. Noun + “I like.” soon became our little inside joke.

Alright, now that you know the premise, take a look!

Here is a link to a QuickTime version.

2 Year Anniversary Stop Motion

Here is the youtube post:

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I Wear Prada (Sort of. Not really. Not even a little. Sometimes I wear Payless.)

On Sunday, I made one small leap for me, one giant leap for fashion-kind.

Blog, I have discovered, yes, discovered, a whole new layering approach that will revolutionize how awesome I look when I go out.

First, I took a halter dress.  It can be patterned. It just so happened that I had the perfect black and white halter dress.  For those of you that are not in-the-know, a halter dress is a dress that has straps that go around the neck, instead of over each shoulder.

Then, blog, this is where it gets good, I put a single colored, snug, assymetrical shirt on TOP of the halter dress.  So, over one shoulder, you could see the design of the halter dress and a shoulder.  Over the other shoulder you just see the shirt.

This fashion discovery is brilliant for many reasons.  First, most days it is too chilly for just a halter dress. It usually has to be over 80 degress for a halter dress to accommodate the halter-dress-wearer’s warmth needs.  But a shirt + halter accomodates 72-90 degree weather comfort. Second, it’s almost like an entirely new outfit!  You’ve essentially turned your dress into a skirt and created a whole new top for the pattern.  Third, depending on the halter dress, you can dress it down or up with this slick approach.  So let’s say you’re going on a date and you’re not sure if it’s casual or classy, you can simply remove or leave the assymetrical shirt as you feel appropriate.

I was so excited about my discovery that I wore the ensemble Sunday, and I plan to wear the same outfit again Thursday night and Friday night!  Disgusting? Not if you’ve seen how awesome the combination looks!

You’re welcome, society. You’re welcome.

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How to annoy people and alienate judges

Ugh, blog, something bad happened yesterday.

It took me weeks to complete an important application and only minutes to undermine the character of the intelligent, conscientious person I worked so hard to present in the personal statement.

Here’s how it went.   I applied for a program, and the program asked for several materials, including a recommendation letter, some photos, a personal statement, and a registration fee.   I arrived at the office to turn in the application and asked the person listed as a contact person to review my application to make sure I had all the materials. We went through the portions in my application.

I said, “Here are the passport photos.”

She said, “Okay perfect, this is what I need. Just fill out the credit card authorization form and you’re all set.”

I stared. “Um, the photos are U.S. passport size, I didn’t know what to do, because they only print 2 x 2.”

She stared, “Right, I need 2×2.”

“Well, the application asks for 4.5cm x 3.5 cm.” I said, pointedly.

“These are the size I’ll need.” She responded, more pointedly.

“Okay great,” I replied.

Then I said, “I didn’t put a transcript, because it looks like they only wanted transcripts for undergraduates.”

She said, “I need a sealed transcript.”

I said, “Well, oh, um.”

She said, “You can bring it Monday.”

I said, “But it’s due today.”  I have no idea why I said that. Who says that after someone says you can bring it in Monday?

She said, “Right, but if you’re missing one piece, that’s fine. I’m not going to reject an application for that.”

At this point I think about pointing to the line that says, “We will not process incomplete applications,” but I restrain myself.

Then she says, “It’s pretty easy to get a transcript – you just pick it up from the registrar.”

I said, “Okay great, they give you one right away? Do they require a sealed one?”

She replied, “Yes, it MUST be sealed.”

So I said, “Okay.”

And I was off, running to the registrar, to get me a sealed transcript.

When I got to the registrar’s office, I asked for two sealed transcripts.

And then, I was off, running back to the administrative office, to get her my sealed transcript.

I got to the office, huffing and puffing, and I handed her one sealed transcript.

She then proceeded to tear it open in front of me.

I was taken aback.  I said, “Uh, now that you’ve opened that transcript, would you like a sealed one?”

She stared at me, like I was a dumba$$.  “No, this is fine.”

It then occurred to me that she was the one reviewing the application.  She wasn’t the person packaging the applications to send them to the people abroad. She was the decision maker! I was pestering the decision maker!

So anyway, on my part, I suspect…FAIL.

Epilogue:

I sent her an email after the whole in-person exchange. I told her I found some place on the internet that says I was supposed to include a copy of my insurance card too.   She didn’t write back.

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