Yesterday I saw the world through a whole new lens.
I bought sunglasses! At the beginning of the day, I was prepared to pay top dollar (maybe a little less, preferably sale price) for some nice, slick sunglasses. “I’m going to go to the Sunglass Hut!” I thought to myself. “Maybe, maybe I’ll get Chanel sunglasses. Does Chanel make sunglasses? If not, I’ll get Dior. Maybe Burberry? Who knows. Who knows what designer brand will shield my eyes from the brutal sun?”
Before embarking on my quest for the perfect sunglasses, I did research on face types and their matching glasses. If you have a pointy chin, you want glasses that do not call attention to your chin. Your glasses must NOT be wider than your cheekbones. If you have long hair, you must try the sunglasses on with your hair down AND your hair up. I took vigorous notes as I scoured the internet for such guidance. I was committed to purchasing impeccable sunglasses. Like Moses freed the Jews from Egypt, I was to free my eyes from the sun’s glare. It was my destiny.
So there I was, ready to go to Sunglass Hut, ready to change the way I looked at things. Then, I realized something. I cannot afford designer sunglasses.
I struggled internally.
Bad me: Designer sunglasses are the only ones that have true UVA/UVB protection.
Good me: That’s not true.
Bad me: Designer sunglasses will make men want you, and women want to be you.
Good me: That is true.
Bad me: And designer sunglasses will bring you the happiness you’ve yet to find anywhere else.
Good me: Wait what?
Bad me: Up until now, our life has been an empty, demoralizing struggle for attention, recognition,
quite frankly, even the slightest acknowledgment of existence, and designer sunglasses are the key to changing all of that.
Good me: I think you’re taking this too far.
Bad me: Of course you do. That’s why you will be lost forever in obscurity.
Good me: You shouldn’t waste money on designer sunglasses. You’ve done the research, you can figure out what good glasses will look like. You cannot afford the glasses!
Bad me: Steal them!
Good me: No! I will not!
Bad me: So be it. BORED. You bore me. * yawn *
Well, Good me prevailed, and I got some excellent sunglasses from CVS! For $17.99 I feel good about my new sunglasses. They’re hip, they flatter all the right features, and I remain the law-abiding citizen my parents raised me to be.
Score one for the good guys.