I’m sitting in the quiet car on a train, and it was a complete mistake. I did not intend to sit in the quiet car. I did intend to chat on my phone and chew on chips and blast my itunes while humming along, so as you can imagine, this poor car selection is not going well for me.
It is going even worse for the other passengers who clearly did not know what car they were sitting in. I’ve seen two people chastised for their cell phone usage. It’s fun to watch. To chastise someone for cell phone use, you tap the person on the phone on the shoulder, and then you point to the sign for Quiet Car. You have to point repeatedly and emphatically, because otherwise, the person you are tapping on the shoulder will think you are saluting with your index finger. You have to point, withdraw, point, withdraw and mouth, “QUIET CAR!” It’s the only way they will understand. It’s the only way.
I would move to another car, but the train is full, and I also threw away my ticket stub by accident. The one time I throw away something before waiting three weeks, and everything falls apart. What are the odds?
Blog, the older gentleman sitting across from me is drinking a beer. He put his beer on the table, and I must have gone into a daze while staring at the beer, because when I snapped out of it, he was glaring at me, and he snatched his beer off the table and held it by his side. Did he think I was staring intently at the beer because I was going to take it? Probably. He probably thinks that’s my “taking beer from strangers” strategy.
Step 1: Stare intently at beer
Step 2: Take beer
I should have taken the beer. It would have been kind of hilarious. And then when he started yelling about how I have taken his beer, I could point, emphatically, at the Quiet Car sign. Maybe I would “shh” him for good measure. Then I would drink the beer.
Speaking of alcohol, I bought some kosher wine today. I specifically requested two bottles of their finest kosher wine. Then, after I scrutinized the ingredients on the bottles, I went up to the counter to make my purchase, and they asked me for my id. How many kids under 21 walk into a liquor store and choose kosher wine as their party alcohol of choice? Additionally, that’s an interesting prioritization of law abiding practices.
Oooh, blog, the woman diagonal from just pulled out her Macbook. We did our nod, acknowledging we’re both hip. We know what’s up. Blog, were you aware? I am a Mac. I bought one a couple years ago because I thought it was the cool thing to do. Much like all my other efforts towards being cool, I was correct. The Mac has been fundamental in all of my discussions with hipsters and artists. “Yeah, I have a Mac, no big deal,” I say, upon first meeting people. It’s my fourth popular lead-in to making friends. Sometimes, it is wildly successful. Other times, not so much.