When last we left, I had purchased a dress online. The dress arrived, dear reader, and it fits exactly as the people in the comments suggested it might: the cut makes me look pregnant and the bust area is strangely pointy. But it has polka dots, so the dress stays and shall become a staple in my wardrobe.
Yesterday, I put the dress on along with the new belt and some great boots. We wanted to go to brunch. We arrived at our brunch destination, and we told the hostess, “Table for two please.” There were plenty of tables available behind her, so I felt confident that we would be seated and served and were in for a great brunch. She asked if we had a reservation. “No,” we replied, and I looked over her shoulder at all the empty tables and back at her, to demonstrate that we needn’t play games.
“Unfortunately our brunch isn’t open. We are having a closed event today. It’s a mock event and invitation only.”
David chimed in: “But on your website it says you are open for brunch.”
“I’m very sorry, we’ll try to take care of that promptly,” said the man-in-the-suit standing tall next to the hostess in a “We don’t want any trouble here” tone that was disproportionate to the situation.
We stood there and stared at them, and they looked back at us.
“If you’d like we can have you speak the manager,” she offered nervously.
David laughed, “That won’t be necessary,” which is a relief because I was trying to brainstorm what we would say to a manager in this situation.
Here is what I would say,
Manager: Hello, how can I help you?
Me: I would like a table for two for brunch.
Manager: Do you have a reservation?
Manager: We are having a mock brunch.
Me: I do not know what that means. But I dressed up for brunch in this polka dot dress, and we drove two hours to eat here. (This is a lie, but desperate times, you know.)
Manager: It’s invitation only I’m afraid.
Me: No problem. You can invite us. We will accept if the invitation is well-designed and has no grammatical errors.
Manager: That’s not how it works.
Me: Okay, a couple grammatical errors are fine. It’s just an invitation after all. I imagine most of the effort goes into the event and the food.
Manager: I’ll be happy to make a reservation for you for another weekend.
Me: Dejected look
And that would be the end of it.
David and I walked out, and we discussed where to go next in front of the restaurant, next to their sign saying they were open for brunch alongside their brunch menu. Teases.