This week was most notable for many reasons. First, I went to the dentist for the first time in over three years on Monday. “Disgusting,” you say, “You waited over three years?”
Yes, I was nurturing the community of bacteria in my mouth so that it could prosper and thrive. And then after three years of spectacular growth, I arranged for a dental hygienist to destroy it all, like a malevolent God.
Anyway, while at the dentist, I become really certain about things. Specifically, I become really certain that I am going to change my dental hygiene habits. I’m going to floss every day. I’m going to wear that retainer once a week. I’m going to brush using that electric toothbrush in that circular pattern for 30 seconds on each quarter of my mouth, first the outside and then the inside. Upcoming visits to the dentist will not be a conversation about how I need to floss better, but rather a series of compliments around my impeccable gums and pearly whites. This is what I think while at the dentist, at the relentless mercy of the hygienist’s vicious poking device.
It has been five days since my visit, and I flossed once, half-heartedly. I’m not sure what my problem is, but if I had a therapist, I would sit on that couch and demand that we delve deeply into what this says about me. Am I my worst enemy? No. Pop Tarts are my worst enemy. That’s a discussion for another day.
This week was also notable because I cleaned our personal bathroom. The guest bathroom gets cleaned all of the time, because we can’t have people thinking we’re dirty. But our personal bathroom is abused, neglected, and has undoubtedly strengthened our immunity to some mild forms of disease. I knew it was time to clean it, because if something is so dirty that I can’t even bear to empty the royal bowels on it, then we have a problem.
I also bought a dress online. And then I went to a store and bought a belt that should match the dress. This is my first online dress. I’m nervous and excited about the whole ordeal. I’ll keep you updated!