The most humiliating thing about being married thus far has been operating David’s television equipment. Yesterday I pressed four different power buttons in a futile attempt to turn on the TV and access regular programming. I did not even aspire to the Tivo; I only wanted to watch the program that I believed would be on at my hour of clicking.
Here’s how it went:
First, I stared at the four remote controls. There are more remote controls, but I knew, in my heart, these were the correct four to be dealing with for the task at hand.
After a minute of staring, I pushed down on the Red Power button on one remote. I heard a click, indicating one of the boxes in the entertainment center had turned on, suggesting I was halfway to my desired destination. It was not clear to me which box was turned on, and the screen remained dark, but I remained optimistic. I put that control aside, because I presumed it had accomplished something important.
I carefully picked up another remote control. This one had the Tivo icon on it, so while I respected its value, I also understood that the power button on this remote may turn the Tivo off, rather than accomplish my mission, which was to turn the TV on. So, I set it down for the time being.
The next remote control was twice the size of its predecessor. The power button on this one seemed promising, so I clicked it. Then I waited with great anticipation. I leaned my ear towards the entertainment center. I expectantly moved my head towards all of the boxes, wondering whether there would be a change. Nothing happened.
I knew what I had to do. I picked up the fourth remote. I clicked Power. And…I heard something power off.
I looked around, and then decided to reach out to my man. “David…how do I turn the TV on?”
“What?!” he yelled from the office.
“I do not know how to turn on the TV!” I yelled back.
“Press the Power button!” he replied.
I glared in his direction. And remained silent. He knew what that meant. David came out of the office, picked up the remote that had done nothing at all for me, and pressed the Power button. The TV turned on. He looked at me as if to say, “Obvi.”
I looked at him sheepishly, as if to say, “This is on par with rocket science.”
Then the show I wanted to watch was a repeat, so I clicked all the Power buttons to turn the TV off.