Week three of being married has been wonderful. I’ve spent 5% of my time gushing over our wedding to David, 50% of my time reviewing pictures of the honeymoon, 20% of my time eating – guiltily, but I’ll stop soon – and the remaining 25% reading about the institution of marriage. For some reason, Kate Middleton and Prince William’s nuptials have sparked a bevy of editorials on marriage advice, marriage fun facts – 80% of couples gain weight within a year of getting married – and finally, colorful commentary on how marriage takes the romance out of relationships. Apparently, with great romantic security comes great romantic stagnation. As one writer suggested in the Bazaar article I read in the hotel, marriages fall apart because that charming, striking fear of the other leaving, that non-married couples truly thrive on, is no longer present.
While a natural worrier, I’m not particularly concerned about the lack of fear being our demise. Rather, other potential conflicts concern me. And David’s responses indicate there is legitimate cause for concern, as here is a transcript of a recent conversation we had on our honeymoon:
Me: David, if Anne Hathaway made advances towards you, and she was married, but you were single, would you accept the advances, even though you knew she was married?
David: Anne Hathaway? And she made advances towards me? Absolutely.
Me: Okay, now what if you were married, but not to me. Would you accept?
David: Yes.
Me: Yes, I do not blame you. Now, what if you were married to me? Would you accept the advances?
David: (pause) No.
Me: I would understand, it’s Anne Hathaway!
David: Whew, yes.
Me: David!
David: You said you wouldn’t blame me!
Me: But the kids, David, they would be so disappointed. They wouldn’t understand. How could you do that to the kids?
David: You didn’t tell me we had kids.
Me: They would be so disappointed, David, I’m sure of it.
So, knowing full well that our marriage is open to temptation, it’s imperative that I maintain the qualities that won David’s affections and inspired him to commit to years of being with me all the time.
Now, David has never explicitly named the qualities, so I will humbly take it upon myself to list them here:
1. My spectacular sense of style – As a master of layers, my sense of style has not escaped David. I know this, because sometimes he will ask, “So…how many hoodies are you wearing right now?” I will often respond, “Three! Well, technically, only two hoodies, and one jacket over that. It’s very hip.” Or he will say, “Didn’t you wear that yesterday?”
“And the day before that as well,” I will explain, “It’s a very stylish outfit. It would be a disservice to society to only wear it once.”
2. My inquisitive nature – Writers take a lot of time crafting their art, and every detail matters. Therefore, when watching television, I insist that David pause our programming so that we can revel in the details of what has just happened. “PAUSE!” I will yell, just as the capitalized quotation suggests, and David knows he must get up from his reclined position, pause the program – because I do not know how to operate the remotes – and he will stare at me as I ask numerous questions that challenge the way we perceive things…or assess whether a character has been gaining weight throughout the season.
3. My resourceful use of communication tools: In today’s day and age, there are many ways to reach our loved ones. We can use email, cell phones, text messages, Facebook messages, Skype, Twitter, blog comments, and home phones. When I want to remind David to do something, I take it upon myself to use many, if not all, of these communication tools. It’s the best way to ensure that he gets the message and remind him that I am and will be a constant presence in his life. While many lament that this newfangled technology has socially destroyed social interaction, I offer that it has brought us even closer together.
It’s very clear to me that these three qualities, combined in one person, make for an unstoppable, lovable force. I will maintain the qualities to ensure our marriage is a huge success!
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