My favorite band right now is definitely Glee. I would be embarrassed about this, if they weren’t the most spectacular thing to hit the music scene since Justin BestillMyHeart Bieber. Now, you might be thinking, “Aren’t you too old for this kind of music taste?” Well, I have two ears and a very big heart, so the answer is obviously, “No.” Let’s move on!
I recently met Connor’s girlfriend, Jody. Since Connor is a good friend who needs all the help he can get with the ladies, it was imperative that I make the best first impression. And I did. I really did. First, we invited Connor and Jody over for dessert. They accepted. Then, we crafted a dessert menu that would make even the fanciest Olive Garden blush: freshly peeled fruit, ripe strawberries, plum cakes, vanilla gelato, hazelnut chocolates, alcohol and coffee. It’s also worth mentioning that I put out a fresh bottle of hand soap in the guest bathroom, so Jody would be impressed with how finely we live.
When Connor and Jody arrived, we bounded towards the door. Well, David was standing by the door, so he opened it, and I sprinted over with a plate of fresh strawberries to welcome them at his side. “Welcome! Welcome! It’s so good to see you!” we said, as they entered our newly vacuumed condo. “Would you like strawberries?!” I asked, eagerly presenting them with the plate. They politely declined, which was a relief, because it was actually an empty gesture. People can’t be eating strawberries in our entrance hallway. That would result in chaos.
“Please have a seat,” I said, leading them towards the living room, where I set down the plate of strawberries next to some plates and napkins so people could nibble on them to their hearts’ content. They did not sit down right away. Instead, they milled about. Concerned that there had been some kind of misunderstanding, I casually helped them out: “This is our couch,” I said, pointing to our large couch. Luckily I quickly realized that they weren’t sitting not because they didn’t understand that that was the couch, but rather that they wanted a tour! So I continued, “And this…this is our kitchen!” I pointed to the kitchen, right next to the living room. “Come. Let me show you,” I graciously offered. “This…is our refrigerator.” Since that’s the extent of our kitchen, I was forced to really build up the refrigerator, which is also nothing spectacular, so I focused on the decor on our refrigerator: “This is a printout of temperatures that meat should be for when we use a meat thermometer. It’s very helpful. This is a picture of me and David from a photo booth. This is ANOTHER picture of us from a photobooth, a year later!” I could tell Jody was liking these explanations, so I continued by sharing why these photos were fun.
“When David and I were planning our wedding, I really wanted a photobooth. So we went to a wedding showcase and tried out this photobooth.”
We got into the booth, and we stood there.
Then I said, “David, let’s kiss.”
To which David replied, “No!”
I replied, “Okay…haha….wait what?”
David said, “I have to see how this thing works.”
So I thought about this.
Then I realized it was lunacy.
“WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!? IT’s A CAMERA IN A GIANT BOX. WHY WON’T YOU KISS ME? THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE DO IN A PHOTOBOOTH. THAT IS HOW PHOTOBOOTHS WORK!”
Then our demo session was done, and we stepped out of the booth. The vendor, who probably heard us yelling, looked at me and looked at the photo strip from our demo. I looked back at him and said, “Does this come with boas and funny hats? We’ll take it. I’ll be in touch.”
We ended up deciding not to have a photobooth. The story doesn’t end there though!
He knew what to do this time. Warning! You’re about to see PG-13 content.
I felt Jody enjoyed this story as thoroughly as you just must have dear reader, and seized this opportunity in front of the refrigerator to offer our guests beverages: “Would you like water, juice, beer, liquor, or coffee? We have Acai juice and orange juice.”
They both selected water.
I cleverly quipped, “How cold should I make the water? I know, enough to break the ice, please have a seat!”
Okay, I didn’t say that, but I should have. It would have cemented in Jody’s mind that which she probably already suspected: I am Connor’s coolest friend.