Skip to content →

Date archive for: January 2010

The Perfect Crime

A few weeks ago, Ike Carrotstick* was telling us all stories in the car, and after thinking about it for a while, I commented, “Ike! You tell such great stories!”

“Thank you!” replied Ike, pleased that his listeners recognized his talents.

Then, last night after dinner, whilst at the metro waiting for our train, I told our group to gather around, because I had a story to share. They all gathered, and I began,

“I was at the Starbucks, and I really had to fart. Coffee does strange things to me.  Anyway, I was trying to figure out how to do it deftly, when I realized the music was playing really loudly, with a heavy bass in the background.  So I timed my gas exertions with the music, every time the bass hit I would cut one.  After a while, I was feeling much better.  Then, as I was gathering my things to leave, I noticed everyone was staring at me. (pause for effect) I remembered I had been listening to my iPod.”

Everyone nodded and smiled. “That wasn’t you,” Sara said.

“Haha, you’re right, that wasn’t me,” I confessed, “I read that online and thought it would sound better if I said it was me.”  Everyone laughed, except for Ike.

“Ike, do you have a better story you would like to share with us?” I asked, opening the floor to Ike.

“Me? No. No no. I don’t have anything to share,” he replied.

So 5 minutes later, we’re all on the metro, and Ike leans over, whispering, “Did you share that story for a reason? Was it related to anything? From the restaurant?”

“No,” I shook my head innocently, “it wasn’t related to anything. I just thought it was funny.”  Ike  looked uncomfortable.

“You cut one in the restaurant, didn’t you?” I asked/accused.

“No…”

“Maybe just a little one?” I held my index finger and thumb up, to indicate the size of  the fart.

Then his confession came pouring out: “It was actually after, while we were getting up, totally by accident. I thought it was the perfect crime. Then I wondered if your story was me getting busted in disguise. I wasn’t raised in a trailer, I swear!”

For shame, Ike. For shame.


*Name changed.

Leave a Comment

On Humor

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows live delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

-Bill Cosby

Leave a Comment

Why I'm Always Late

Reasons I’ve been late:
1. Had to play the perfect song before departing
2. Debated over the appropriate shoes to wear, only to select Uggs, again
3. There was stuff on the internet to see
4. Called sibling to chit chat
5. Posted a blog entry
6. Made a mix cd for the car ride
7. Did not understand the navigator’s directions
8. Disregarded navigator and went with my own “instinct”
9. Ate a snack before leaving, then brushed teeth to hide evidence

2 Comments

I snowboard. It's no big deal.

Juno MacGuff: No… I mean for real. ‘Cause you’re, like, the coolest person I’ve ever met, and you don’t even have to try, you know…
Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.

Great things happened today. However, most importantly, I finally have photo evidence that I snowboard. I can now casually post this picture in key image-building social websites, thereby upping my cool quotient by at least 4. Maybe even 5.

Behold their impeccable posture.
On my left is Drew and Mike. Behind us, we have a treacherous slope, that we conquered, masterfully*.

*Yes, masterfully. What’s it to you?

Comments closed

Ugly Betty

This past Wednesday’s episode of Ugly Betty was amazing. I know what you’re thinking, “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

For those of you who missed it, here is a recap. Betty wants to help her lover become more excited about something aside from their relationship. So, she shows a curator the room where her lover kept all of his paintings. The curator is thrilled with what she sees and decides to present his work in an opening for up-and-comping talent. Betty, thrilled, invites everyone to the exhibit.

When they arrive at the exhibit, Betty quickly realizes that her lover’s paintings were all of her! She is humiliated! Her lover is also embarrassed. “How could you?!” he hisses.

“HOW COULD YOU?!” she responds. “Do you hate me?!” (Most of the paintings were not flattering.) He explains that he painted the negative ones when they were on a break. Then, he accuses Betty of not having enough passion. He says, “Maybe the problem isn’t that I have too much passion.” Dramatic pause. “It’s that you don’t have enough.”

Betty, not enough passion, could it be? With a little help from her sister, she realizes of course it could not be.

Betty presents to him her diary, filled with pages and pages of writing about their relationship.

“Betty I didn’t mean what I said, I was angry,” he explains to her, “you don’t have to show this to me.”

“No,” Betty insists, “I want you to see this.” And the two of them reconcile their emotions for each other.

What a great show!

Leave a Comment

Hello 2010. Hello.

Happy New Year!

Some amazing things have already happened this year, so let me fill you in, via music video, of course.

In addition to having a great time (thank you Andrea!), I learned many important things on the West coast.

1. People in Pacific time zone don’t get their own New Year’s countdowns – they watch repeats of East coast countdowns. Upon realizing this, I felt embarrassed for them.

2. If you are looking for pearls in oyster shells, you must choose fat, round oyster shells.

3. Divine Delights is the most aptly named pastry company, ever. Their petit fours are amazing, and I have already ordered their catalog so I can order them next holiday season.

awkward haircut photoSince we’ve returned from California, I vowed to get a makeover – a whole new look. After doing some research, I learned a makeover costs $500.

So, then, I vowed to get a haircut: it was 90% cheaper than getting a makeover. Here is a picture – notice the layers and change of length. The new cut also brings out my strongest facial features, which were previously overshadowed by my longer hair length. Nice, yes?

2 Comments